Buying a Bikini and Body Image

On Thursday afternoon I went shopping with the purpose to buy a swim suit for an upcoming trip to the beach.  I was determined to find one that didn’t make me loathe myself and covered up the necessary parts.

Swim suit shopping for most women is torture.  I can’t say I enjoy it.  But I was insistent about having a more positive attitude about it this year.  I’m the mom of two girls.  I need to have a better self image of my body and project that confidence to my daughters.

So I selected three different styles in varying colors.  I tried each of them on in a tiny dressing room with a large mirror.  Both of my girls stood there watching me as I took everything off and put on the bikinis.

I chose a bright green one.  Here is what it looks like:

The swim suit, size medium, fit me well.  I liked the color.  I do not feel like a Baywatch girl and I certainly do not look like one.  But I thought I could wear this to a pool or on the beach and just let my love handles and stretch marks hang out a little.  I am tired of covering them up.  I no longer wish to hide who I am, both on the inside and outside.  Let someone gawk.  Or let someone admire.  What does it really matter?  I want to enjoy myself and be as comfortable as I can, just quit worrying.

When I came home from the shopping trip, I ironically came across this article and photo making internet waves around the social media world.  The mom is Rachel Hollis from Chic Site:

(Note: This picture is mom Rachel Hollis from ChicSite, not me, but her belly
and my belly could be twins, almost).

The first thing I noticed in this photo of Rachel is her smile.  She looks happy.  Then my eyes went down to her belly.  I thought, Wow, her tummy looks a lot like mine – stretch marks, a flattened out belly button from two kids and two surgeries (gall bladder removal and ovarian cyst removal for me), some extra skin and weight around the hips.

Most people were praising Rachel for putting herself out there like that.  Many people said she looked great.  And personally, I think she does.  Her smile is what makes her look the best.  Rachel looks like she is having fun and hopefully she is.  She is on a beach in the sun, how can you not be?!

Then of course there were some negative comments and criticism that Rachel is still a conventionally thin looking woman and her post just reinforces bad body image for curvier, larger women.  Those folks argue that a woman like her should not be made to feel unattractive or like she should not show her body to begin with, no matter the size, shape or markings.  Others, like in this article, said her comments on wearing stretch marks like badges of honor were ridiculous, moronic statements to make.

Was Rachel “brave” for having the photo taken and then sharing it with others?
I don’t know.  Only Rachel can answer that.  Who am I to judge?  I don’t wish to criticize her either.  I don’t necessarily agree with her statements of wearing my stretch marks like pride but I don’t want to hide mine anymore either.  I liked seeing her photo.  I feel a lot like her.  I look very similar to her too.  I’ve been heavier in my past.  I’ve been thinner in my life too.  I’m a mostly-happy medium now.

What my bikini body looks like is such a small detail about me.  Does it show that I can do continual push-ups for a minute straight?  Does it reveal that I cook excellent egg and cheese omelets?  Does it demonstrate my abilities to write poetry, educational editorials or parenting tips?  No, it does not.

We come in all shapes and sizes.  Some of us are lucky to have faster metabolisms. Some of us exercise regularly and make healthy food choices to have the body we do.

Here are a few facts that I’ve come to realize about body image, especially for me, as a female:

1. I may never “love” my body but I can “like” it and “appreciate it” most of the time without feeling guilty.

2. Whatever my size and shape, a small part of me will always wish I looked a bit like someone else.  At the same time, someone else is wishing to be my size and shape.  That’s the way it is.

3. I have never in my life had a toned set of abs so why worry about that now?

4. I want to take care of my body because it’s the only one I have.  I won’t treat it like a temple but I want to honor it because without it, where would I be?

5. I want to make smart choices most of the time but I will still enjoy my cake pop and iced latte from time to time too.  No guilt!

6. I’m going to wear that green bikini I bought this spring and summer.  (No promise that I will post a picture of myself in it.  But I will wear it with as much pride as I can muster).

7. I’m going to encourage my two daughters, women and all people to not let the way you look define you or make you feel bad.

8. Thin women and large women (and all people) have challenges and insecurities.  They really are not that different.  They struggle with similar issues and hear unwanted comments from people.  I wish we could all stand together more and be on the same, supportive team.

9. We’re all works of art and we’re all admired by someone, whether we realize that or not.  Learn to admire yourself just a little bit more.

10. Be encouraging and positive in your words and with your body image as much as you can.

And finally,

11. If you have the means or access to jump into a pool or walk on a beach, just enjoy yourself no matter what you are wearing!   Wear a smile if nothing else!  🙂