Meet Mid-40s Mandy – All the Emotions And Heat to Match

About 8 years ago, I wrote about the Inside Out film and how at that time (2017), my two kids tested me and acted out all of the different emotions.

Now fast forward to today. Meet me, mid-40s Mandy. I’m now living out all the emotions from the Inside Out 2 movie.

Anger – I feel sudden rage that comes out of nowhere. I spill a drink, and I curse with fury. I read an email at work that’s a normal, reasonable request but I want to throw a punch through my computer screen. I snap at someone in my house for them asking me a question.

Fear – I wake up my husband in the middle of the night because I think I’m having a health crisis. I don’t know if I recently had my first mega menopausal hot flash or experienced something else. I was more than just hot and sweaty from head to toe. I also had extreme stomach cramping and felt nauseous like I was going to pass out or throw up. It scared me.

Disgust – This one is a daily occurrence with me. I’m disgusted with myself. The most common reason is chin hair that I find every day and either pull, pluck or shave off. Where did these chin hairs live before I hit mid-40s and why are they trying to set up a colony on my face? Speaking of my face, I see the wrinkles and I can’t say that I love them. Or my neck that on some days and in certain angles, is starting to resemble a vagina, and not in a pretty or sexy manner.

Anxiety (worry) – I’ve got it. I had it almost immediately after Vivian gave me the wonderful news about her getting a female leading role in her summer theater production. I should have been so high on happiness and proud of her…And I was…but then anxiety settled in and I thought of all that could go wrong for her – drama on stage and behind the scenes. This is just one example of many I face on a regular basis–causing my heart to race and tension to build.

Embarrassment – I forget something I should know. I didn’t realize I had on two different socks or wore my shirt inside out for an entire day. I’ve had a piece of spinach in my teeth for a whole hour and didn’t even feel it. My daughter’s friends think ___ of me and sometimes it bothers me when it should not and then that manifests into embarrassment. Plus, there are countless other examples.

Envy – I’m envious of people who seem smarter, happier and more successful than me. Not all the time. I know I have it pretty well. But it happens. I turn into a 12-year-old version of myself and compare myself to others and then that leads to other emotions like disgust.

Sadness – There’s been a lot of sadness lately. We lost a very dear friend unexpectedly months ago. His death shook our core. We’re watching family members deteriorate in health and lose their spark. It’s easy to feel sad about that. Our whole world is sad – the way people talk to each other and treat each other. Yet sometimes the sadness is what we need to lead to joy and appreciation.

Joy – I am joyful at seeing my independent, confident daughters. They have accomplished so much in the last four months. I’m finding more ways to put joy into my life. I have sought help from close friends lately to really open up and talk about all the other emotions I’ve been feeling. Asking for help has led to joy. Building in more self-care and more time with my family has brought me joy. Acting on little whims like buying a random mini trampoline has made me happy – even though I did trip on it in the middle of the night and stubbed my toe and woke up Kirk out of a dead sleep – Cue in embarrassment.

You see — Mid-40s Mandy has a lot going on and swimming in her head. She’s complex. But she often makes herself more complex by doing things like writing herself in the third person.

So I’m making myself more complex than I need to be. I am.

When I get back to simple tasks and simple things, I find life less daunting and more joyful.

If I feel all the feels, I start my list of what’s worrying me or what I need to do. Then I give myself a few minutes to breath, pause, shout, dance, jump or whatever before I maybe begin tackling the list.

Or sometimes I say, screw it, I’ll get to it tomorrow and I take a 2-hour or half-day mental health break.

There’s no exact science. I’m working it out and making it up each day.

I’m realizing that many other people are as mixed up and chaotic as me.

It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

We will deal with one issue at a time – whether it’s my chin hair, my vagina neck or that Publix commercial causing me to burst into tears.

I know I’m not alone. I know I’m better when I open up and connect with others. I’m OK when I can share my feelings with my family and my friends. I can be sad about friends I’ve drifted from or that I used to be close with but are now on different paths from me. I can be grateful that I’ve rekindled and reconnected with others in my life.

I feel better when I pass along a compliment to someone else, when I crack a joke to make someone else laugh (even at my own expense) and when I have something on my calendar I can look forward to and not dread.

I know this now. So, I will say this – I know myself better, even as crazy, hot flash Mandy than I did 9 years ago and 29 years ago. Lately, I feel closer to God too – my God and how I envision my creator/muse, probably not your version of God. (Something I read recently caused me to realize that God is a verb, not a noun, at least for me. I can only speak for myself).

And I like that. I love it, actually.

So, cheers to me in all my crazy emotions and crazy life.

Cheers to you, too!

Decluttering to Decrease Stress

I tend to live in organized chaos until I can’t take it anymore. Then I purge and throw out an entire van’s trunk filled with unused items. That’s what I did this weekend.

I watched the documentary “The Minimalists – Less is Now. Then I began going through my dresser of clothes and about half of my closet. From that, I filled up six kitchen-size garbage bags of stuff I hadn’t worn in years. And let’s face it, if I’m being honest, some items have been out of style for more than a decade.

The Minimalists Less is Now documentary on Netflix

I recommend this short documentary. It’s only about 50 minutes but it talks about how we often shop and buy things we don’t need to make us feel better.

We fill our homes with stuff instead of our lives with memories.

I have felt lately that I’m surrounded by things that are not making me happy. I want to change. I’m ready for a change. My family, my people, make me happy but not my environment. Why was I holding onto those things? Why do I have so much stuff? I had more pairs of pants than I’m willing to admit. I purchased most at thrift stores but still…

Like the Michael Jackson song, “Man in the Mirror,” if I want to see change, then I have to start with me. If you want to change something in your life, you have to start with your environment.

And if I’m being truthful, a part of me wants to travel nonstop or move somewhere else – discover the new and exciting. But would that be the answer? I can’t move without a plan and with a job, two kids in school, two dogs, responsibilities, etc. But I dream about it. Maybe it’s my mid-life crisis. But instead of making a big purchase, I want to declutter and decrease the stuff (baggage) around me. I want some clarity, some sense of peace.

I’m not a person that cleans often or tidies up my house regularly. I do it before company comes and when it begins to gross me out. But doing it this weekend did give me a sense of accomplishment.
I completed 1/3 of my closet and all my dresser drawers.

I also cleaned up the “junk drawer” in our kitchen. As I organized it, I found that we had about seven pairs of scissors. SEVEN! Who needs that much? It’s shameful.

While in elementary school, my kids would ask for a new pair of scissors for every school year. Then later on, we’d find the pair from the previous year.

As I looked at the areas I decluttered, I did feel a sense of peace and joy. I can’t promise how long it will stay clutter-free and organized, but for now, it was comforting.

And I want to do more. But I know I need to take it one day and one space at a time so I don’t get overwhelmed.

I guess that’s the lesson about life too. I need to stop worrying about the big picture and focus on each moment, hour, project and day at a time and find the good. Some days it’s easier than others though, let’s face it.

After I fill up my trunk with donation bags, I make it a point to donate the items within two days. I don’t leave it in my vehicle for a week or longer. I don’t want to miss it or regret packing it up. Clean up and remove it from my life.

And whatever you do, don’t watch the Toy Store movies when you want to declutter!

So, decluttering can help me decrease my stress. I put this out here to remind myself when I feel like this again. I know I will. And maybe it will inspire others to move in a way that is a simpler, decluttered life. I have a long way and an entire house to go but I’ll keep chipping away at it.

Don’t be surprised if someday I do move to a tiny house, switch out the house for a camper or you find me living in a van down by the river.

Drowning in Homework, a poem

Drowning in homework, a poem by Mandy Fernandez

I’m drowning in homework
Treading through Science and Math
When I want a glass of wine
Or simply a long, hot bath.

I’m checking spelling words
I’m checking them twice
I’m correcting sentences
Feeling tired, and not nice.

Over this word problem
I’m scratching my head
Why do I feel so stupid?
I was once smart instead.

The work load, the papers
Pile up in the end
I begin to feel trapped
Can I phone a friend?

It’s not the teacher’s fault
Or my kids’ or mine
The demands increase each year
Yet somehow we make it just fine.

So we’ll wake up early to study
Or we’ll cram by staying up late
We’ll end up wiser and more balanced
I’ll try to believe that is our fate.

So homework you may be drowning us now
But we all know how to swim
Our family is stronger than your tactics
And our fairy tale won’t end up grim.

So dish it out, come on homework
We can handle what you bring
My child will dance around your math equation
For the scientific method, my daughter will sing.

The school year is just beginning
We are only getting started here
We will not be intimidated
You can have our best selves, not our fear!

Sincerely,
A tired but determined mama

Turning / Being 40

I’ve had several friends and co-workers ask me lately how I feel about turning 40. And the truth is that I feel good. Not jumping for joy ecstatic happiness, but I feel comfortable and cozy about it.

I’ve been thinking about it for the past year and getting used to the idea that I will not be in the 30’s decade anymore. And I am OK with that.

A year ago I started doing a few things to help me become more settled with the notion of being 40. Last summer I challenged myself to get in better shape and get back into a healthy and fitness routine. And after three months, I did. I had achieved my goal. Prior to that I had gotten off track and some pudginess had creeped up on me while I let life happenings take over – while I published my book, promoted it and started a new job. But I worked hard and whipped myself back into a more energetic, healthier place again. And I’ve maintained it for the most part…OK, so I gained a few pounds back, lost a few and I’m still trying to get off that remaining three. But I’m really close. I know I can get back to where I want to be though.

Because that’s the unique thing about life (and me)…I can get off track and then get back to where I want to be again. I can push my own self to set a goal and reach that goal. I’m quite competitive with myself, not so much other people…that’s the beauty of getting older…you care less what others think and just worry about your own thoughts more. I become preoccupied…let myself go, let the kids take over my life, let a project or a job stress me out and then take a deep breath and put it into perspective again.

Still I deserve to give myself some praise. I have done a few things on my bucket list. I have more to do of course but I’ve crossed some items off…I wrote and published a book, took a full-time job as a writer, a job which I happen to love – the work, the people, the mission we have, etc. So much of the past two years has been easier and more joyful because my professional life became more balanced with my personal life. I feel more fulfilled. I do things with purpose instead of doing them with a half-heart and empty words.

I became a taxi mom in the last year. But do you know what? I don’t really mind it. I like keeping my kids busy. I like seeing them thrive in the areas of music, dance and art. They get pleasure and enrichment from it. But so do I. Plus occasionally I meet another really cool mom that I can laugh with and that’s priceless!

Right now I view 40 as a great stage and age to be in. I worked hard and saved in my 30s. Now I’m going to have fun. Our family is taking its first ever trip to Disneyworld later this year. We’re considering buying a boat…because we can and we want to. That’s cool. There were times in our 30s when we were in temporary debt after moving around, when the economy went real downhill and gas prices rose to $4.65 one summer. I had post-partum issues with Vivian and had a gallbladder that stopped doing its job but I didn’t know it so I kept randomly throwing up from time to time.

Hmmm, maybe I should say “Kiss/piss off to my 30s…” No, not really. There were many good times, many lessons learned and many reasons to love life for what it was, even during the low, disappointing and sad points.

I don’t really compare myself to others and I’m trying hard to instill that into my kids. Be better than yourself, who you were yesterday I tell them. Then I tell myself when I find myself eyeing a thinner, tanner older or younger person who looks like they have it all together.

No one has it all together anyway. That’s a myth. Just yesterday I was telling one of my kids not to put her toothbrush on top of the other kid because they were fighting over who could brush their teeth first or fastest. You might be thinking…wow, your kids care about hygiene! Umm, no, they just want to out-do each other in the goofiest, silliest ways imaginable and tears often erupt because of these incidents.

By the way, I never thought I’d say things like, “Don’t hit your sister,” and then “Go ahead, hit her back,” within the same day but sometimes you just have that kind of day as a parent…

But back to the good stuff about being 40 — I have a patient, understanding husband who for some reason loves me, finds me sexy and puts up with the fact that I don’t pick up after myself well or load the dishwasher in the way that he finds most effective and efficient. Yet he’s loving and complimentary every single day and helpful around the house too. He’s hardworking and caring. I’m a lucky, lucky lady and I know it. So being 40 and having a husband who still adores me and doesn’t want to run off with someone else or have mid-life crisis is indeed a good thing. But I know quite a few single friends who have very different stories, are not or never did get married and they are doing just fine at their ages and stages. In fact, they’re doing amazing and their path is perfect for them.

We women are so strong, aren’t we?! We can often cry at a Hallmark Christmas movie and then put our fighting words and dukes up when another kid bullies our kid.

Damn, all the single and married ladies – we’re incredible! I’m pretty incredible too. Well not Mrs. Incredible, Elasta-girl incredible but here’s a fact…
Fact: My kids think I’m a superhero so it’s OK if I think of myself as one every now and then too. Because I can’t expect my kids to have confidence and courage if I don’t have it myself.

I’m capable of a lot and I get sh*t done. I don’t say that to brag or sound full of myself but just to put it here to remind myself that I do a lot. Then later on, when I’m having an awful day. I will say this to remind myself of this fact.

In the past few years, I’ve seen an increase in my confidence and courage. Age, wisdom and comfort seem to be coinciding. I have strong willpower and determination when I want to. It’s a bit obsessive and downright scary at times too. But then I can be easy-going, flexible and toss notions over my shoulder on days when I need cheesecake or my bed to jump into.

Yes, I think I will like being 40. I think I’m entering the sweet spot of my life. I am slowing down to appreciate the ordinary, extraordinary moments more. I don’t want to run a marathon or climb Mount Everest but maybe I’ll join a local 5-K so I can socialize with some great people for a good cause. And I won’t care what place I come in at as long as I finish and have fun (and maybe good food and a beer afterwards).

Every now and then my knee aches or I have some soreness these days, but overall I’m very healthy. I sleep an average of seven hours per night and have a lot of energy to keep up with my family, crazy dog, activities, and the shenanigans that suddenly come my way.

So don’t cry for me Argentina because I’m turning (almost) 40. Cry with me because the Hallmark movies and This is Us TV series are so good and I’m watching them with you. I don’t even mind folding three loads of laundry while I binge watch either. In fact I will never complain about clean laundry again…because I remember the post-days of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans and how many people didn’t have clean clothes. In the past, I’ve seen some bits of Hell so I’m thankful for my own personal Heaven — my daily perks like hot water, a husband who makes me coffee and a toilet I can use in peace.

So I wanted to write myself this note to burn this into my memory. Because I am getting older so I am a bit more forgetful. I hope to look back on my own words later in life. Facebook memory feed can remind me when I turn 50 (hopefully) that 40 wasn’t so terrifying. So age 50, 60 and later probably won’t be either… note to future self!

Thank you God and universe for letting me make it to age 40. Please let me make it to at least another 40 years. And then we’ll evaluate it after that…sound, good!? Okay, great.

Cheers to me! Cheers to all of us at every age and stage!

Being Intentional to Spend Time Well

Have you ever really put thought into your day and recorded how you spend your time? On New Year’s Day 2018, I did just that.

I was intentional in how I spent my day, hoping that it could perhaps set the tone for the year ahead. I made time for each member of my family. I did things to promote good health. I prepared ahead of time. I did a few chores without complaining. I made time for intimacy. I even made time for leisure activities I enjoyed, such as reading and writing.

Did my kids argue throughout the day? Yes. Did I diffuse and distract them? Yes, on several occasions.

Did I do everything I set out to do? No… but I came close.

And that’s my point. I can accomplish a lot when I stay focused and set my mind.

Sure, some days I may want to be a lazy and total slug. And I won’t feel guilty over that.

But I can make more moments count. I can stop giving excuses. I can stop rolling my eyes or complaining because that takes up time when I could be enjoying myself.

I can start doing and stop just saying what I should do.

How are you spending your time? How do you want to spend your time this year? Are you being intentional?

I realize that I don’t have to make every single minute count but I can be positive and when I’m in that “let’s get this done and have fun” mindset, I can have a truly productive, memorable and quite satisfying day.

Here’s to more days like the first one in 2018…

My day’s breakdown:

Wake up.

Hug and kiss my spouse.

Complete two sun salutations and take deep breaths.

Put dirty laundry in the washing machine.

Drink coffee.

Hug and kiss my spouse again now that I’m more awake.

Let the dog outside and feed him.

Complete a 15-minute overall body fitness routine.

Help my spouse cook breakfast.

Move clean, wet clothes from washer to dryer.

Hug and kiss my oldest kid.

Wake up my youngest kid. Then hug and kiss her.

Eat breakfast as a family.

Brush teeth.

Cook two meals to prepare for the week.

Fold laundry.

Look at the schedule for the week.

Do some writing.

Write a few pages and ideas for new story.

See what kids are doing.

Let the dog outside.

Spend intimate time with my spouse.

Do another load of laundry.

Put away cooked meals.

Play music and dance and sing.

Eat lunch.

Let the dog outside.

Paint my youngest kid’s finger nails.

Help kids brainstorm ideas to decorate their art supplies.

Contact babysitter to confirm her schedule for tomorrow.

Read a chapter with my oldest kid in the book we’re reading for mother-daughter book club.

Help kids with a puzzle.

Make a simple, homemade ice cream at request of kids.

Eat that ice cream with the kids.

Complete a 10-minute booty workout.

Complete a 10-minute arms workout.

Feed the dog and let him outside.

Put away the dishes.

Do volunteer work (30 minutes of writing).

Heat up dinner.

Eat dinner together with the family.

Help kids write in their daily calendar something to be thankful about.

Fold more laundry.

Relax in the hot tub with my spouse.

Take a shower.

Help kids with bedtime routine.

Put kids to bed. Put dog to bed.

Watch one show on TV.

Brush my teeth.

Go to sleep.

Be hopeful that I can repeat this again someday.

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Just Be Better Than Your Former Self

My spouse and I re-watched a film over the weekend, “Kingsman: The Secret Service.” We sat down to soak it in again after we saw the sequel in the theater. In it a line by main character and mentor Colin Firth was said to a rookie kingsman in training Taron Egerton. The phrase really struck both my husband and me.

That quote is credited to Ernest Hemingway and says, “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

Isn’t that lovely? When you stop and think about it, aren’t these good words to live by?

I am in competition with no one but myself. I don’t need to be better than anyone else except the person I was five seconds ago, five days ago and five years ago.

I can’t stop thinking about this statement and how it should be told to children at an early age. I’m going to tell it to my daughters. I’m going to whisper it to myself when I find notions of doubt, jealousy or insecurity creep up inside.

It doesn’t matter what the person next to me is accomplishing or not achieving. I’m not that person. I am me. What am I doing to enhance myself and be better than the person I was or am right now?

Sometimes that may include just reading to broaden my mind. It may mean networking within a professional group to gain new skills and learn more in my community. Or it could mean doing a random, kind act for another person or simply sending a helpful resource or a ‘I thought of you today’ note to a friend.

There is always a small way we can improve and do the right thing. We can cast aside the zealous, ruthless nature and replace it with self-transformation. We can be our own kingsman and kingswoman and act with self courage and true nobility as the wise gentleman Colin Firth says.

Thank you Kingsman and Ernest Hemingway (if you really did say this quote) for this little reminder. Yesterday I did good. Today I will work toward being better. And tomorrow I will try it all over again.

Literary Symposium Inspires the Writer, Parent and Mentor in Me

How does a writer like me re-energize and stay inspired to keep writing? The answer to that changes daily. But today my inspiration came from a whole room full of people, mostly educators dedicating time on a Saturday to help promote writing and reading among the youth in our community. It was a humbling, amazing experience. I haven’t tackled a personal, big writing project since my children’s book. I write every day and edit for my full-time paying job and I enjoy it immensely but sometimes I just want to write what I want to write and be among literary folks. Today I had that opportunity, and I was able to hang out with my dear, sweet editor and friend Linda too.

The University of West Florida College of Education and Professional Studies, the UWF National Writing Project and the Early Learning Coalition of Escambia County held a literary symposium. It kicked off with a self-declared non-reader, bilingual and mixed race boy from a border town of Mexico and San Diego, who later went on to become a Newberry Medal winning author. Mr. Matt de la Peña, a best-selling author of six young adult novels and two illustrated children’s books, shared insights into his writing journey when he delivered the keynote speech at the event.

The symposium was entitled “See the Beauty in Books.” Teachers and writers in the community attended breakout sessions offered by educators involved in the National Writing Project (NWP).

NWP is a network providing resources and tools to help educators improve the teaching of writing and learning in schools and communities. UWF is one of only four Florida universities that are part of the NWP network. UWF’s NWP offers a three-week summer training program for Pensacola-area teachers designed to help them boost students’ writing skills.
De le Peña read his award-winning book, “Last Stop at Market Street.” He also recounted his family upbringing and personal struggles as a child. Educators told him he would have to repeat the second grade because of his poor reading skills. He began to dislike school and believe he was not capable of doing well. His biggest mistake was labeling himself as dumb and incapable. He shared a story of watching his uncle be handcuffed and taken away by police when he was thirteen years old revealing how those moments as an eighth grader became later central themes in his books. Subjects of embarrassment, shame and self criticism are key messages in his stories.

Later de le Peña fought against his own stereotype and worked harder to become a better reader. As a sophomore he began to write poems in the back of class. One teacher noticed and encouraged him to compose more. When de le Peña was accepted into college on a basketball scholarship, his father, who did not have a high school diploma at the time, told him, “We think you are a success,” and those words forever changed de le Peña. That uplifting statement freed him from the pressures of following in his working class parents’ footsteps. He would pursue whatever he wanted to study in school.

Still it was years later, in college, before de le Peña realized that he wanted to be a writer and tell stories from his past. Again it was another teacher who encouraged him to read a novel. The book, “The Color Purple,” changed de le Peña’s perspective on characters. He realized he could root and care for them, even people of different ages, races and cultures.

“Teachers, some of the moves you make and the words you say now to kids will not take effect until years later,” said de le Peña to the symposium crowd of educators and writers.

“But they do matter and can have a positive effect, just as they did for me,” he added.

De le Peña described books as filling an empty void inside him. Reading books helped him to become a better writer. He praised teachers in the room for attending the event to help young students also become better readers and writers.

Hearing his words took me back to the ten year old inside me. My upbringing was nothing like Mr. de le Pena’s. Mine was ordinary and normal and boring in some cases. I think that’s why I turned to books…to add more adventure in my life. I wrote poems about things I had never even experienced in fifth grade. Yet somehow I was compelled, drawn to writing them. Sometimes I still am, even at age 38.

In addition to the keynote presentation given by de la Peña, attendees selected two professional development sessions taught by NWP members. Teachers presented writing techniques for different school grades. Speakers shared experiences that sparked creativity in the classroom for writing and reading assignments. Instructors shared positive criticism techniques for students and example writing assignments. I was taking notes like crazy. I may not be a teacher but I’m a parent to two young girls and I was thinking…”I’m going to try this at home…” and “Hmm, maybe that writing prompt will help me in my work and my personal writing…”

It was helpful. I so enjoyed being around people who are passionate about reading and writing. I have had a few standout teachers in my educational experience but these women and men were really working hard to make a positive impact in my community’s schools and beyond.

I have reached out to extend my gratitude and offer to help with their endeavors. If I had more mentors and engagement as a kid, I may be on my tenth book instead of just my second one. So my goal is to encourage others to write, to read and to dream of possibilities…whatever they may be!

What knowledge can you share with those around you? How can your talents help others? Today’s event opened up my eyes, ears and ideas wider and for that and for the people who hosted it, I am thankful.

Happiness Within

Leave it to another kids’ film to have a great life lesson, something simple that we all know but need a reminder about – happiness. The DreamWorks’ Trolls movie tackles subjects like loss, disappointment, fear, lack of self confidence and more in a fun sing-along feature. One particular troll, Branch, is the unhappy one among the bunch of zealous trolls. When his friends from the village are in trouble though, Branch steps up to help. In the end his friend Poppy helps him realize that:

“Happiness isn’t something you put inside. It’s already there. Sometimes you just need someone to help you find it.”

Isn’t that the truth? Sometimes you don’t realize how content and happy you even are until someone else realizes it and remarks are made to you.

Just two weekends ago my husband, kids and I were out at a restaurant for an early breakfast. Our family of four each ordered our favorite foods then sat rather quietly enjoying our meal. The kids were not arguing. They colored, talked and seemed joyful. My husband and I held hands, drank our coffee, and enjoyed the peaceful moments.

This is not our normal outings. An incident like this is actually more on the rare side… Normally there are sibling fights, kids not eating or one child eating too slowly.

But on this particular day, for a whole hour, we were a blissful family. Each of us. At the same time.

Others within the restaurant must have noticed it too. Before we left, the man sitting at the table next to us commented how well behaved, beautiful and happy our daughters looked. Then later on, while I was in the restroom, another woman sitting across from us made similar statements to my husband while I was away.

Again, this is uncommon. But when it does happen, it’s remarkable. These are the moments we live for as adults and parents.

When you find that joy in such an ordinary moment, sometimes it trickles into other mundane moments during the day. I was folding laundry a few days ago and actually felt gratitude. There I was with two large loads sitting before me and a stack of towels to fold too. But I couldn’t help thinking about how I was lucky to have clean, good smelling laundry and a place to put it away.

Lately when I have a half-hour ride in the car with my oldest daughter and she is chatting away about her day, how it’s the “worst” or “best day ever,” I catch myself smiling. I recognize, gosh, I’m just happy to be sitting here next to her listening to what she has to say.

When I wake up way earlier than I need to but my husband reaches over to hug me or whisper that he loves me, I am again just finding that overflow of happiness within.

I’m not exactly the all day, every day, singing or dancing type. At least not as much as the trolls in the film. But I’m damn near close these days. In fact I love to have music playing in the background as often as possible. The tunes get me going and uplift me.

May we all find and keep that inner happiness close by, that feeling that makes you smile and feel the love inside…

The Importance of Reading

I have been thinking about the importance of reading the past few days. As next week is Celebrate Literacy Week in Florida, schools all over the state and in my district are planning activities to engage kids in reading. This makes my soul happy. I wish adults could have a break from the regular work activities to do our own literacy celebration. No, sorry, responding to emails and texts on the phone do not truly count as reading.

Now that I incorporate reading time with my daughters each week, I crave it more often. I’m reminded how at age ten, I really fell in love with books. I remember reading over 50 books in the summer months to achieve the “Super reader award” from my local library. I loved escaping into the characters’ minds, in the enchanted world of princesses or trolls and in the rhyming wacky tales of Dr. Seuss or Shel Silverstein.

Guess what? I still do. I heard that Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project books created her own young adult and children’s reading groups. I can see why. There is something so magical about kids’ books and there is less tension and drama (usually) than adult stories. Adult world in general often loses that whimsical nature we enjoy.

Since October I’ve been reading Harry Potter books with my nine year old. I had never read them previously. I take pleasure in them just as my daughter. I love to end an active, non-stop day with reading a chapter or two about the latest Hogwarts happening. I also love reading Pinkalicious and Olivia the Pig tales to my four year old who is into all things pink, girly, mischievous and beautiful right now.

Reading is fun. But it’s also so important to everything we do in life – how we navigate, how we are informed to make decisions, how we decide on the foods we put into our bodies, how we legally bind ourselves in homes, possibly marriages or jobs and more. Reading may help us out of a jam or create a great strawberry jam. It’s unavoidable, yet often underappreciated by many.

Think of how dependent a person is if he or she cannot read – how powerless they may be without knowing words and what they mean. So this next week, during literacy week, I urge you to read for enjoyment, to read for empowerment, to read because you can, to read for others who may not yet be able to but long to do so. Just read and be grateful.

I look forward to my school visits on Monday and Tuesday – to share my book and the reason why I wrote a story worth sharing with children and families. Happy Reading! Happy Celebrate Literacy Week! Don’t honor it just once a year. Incorporate it into your life each day and when you read something positive, uplifting and gratifying, say a blessing that you were able to come across something so wonderful.

Play More Funky Music

Do you listen to music every day? How about multiple times per day? How does it affect your mood?

Last week, the music app on my phone popped up and displayed how many hours of music I listened to in 2016. It was an impressive amount. The notice had me thinking about how much I play music and how I think it makes me a happier, more balanced person.

Every morning when I wake up my kids to eat breakfast and prepare for the day, I have music playing. I purposely play songs they like and created a playlist for them. I love seeing them go from tired, grumpy girls to dancing, silly individuals.

Music really makes a difference in our family’s life. On a bad morning, just a few days ago, I had to constantly stay on my four year old to get her dressed and moving more quickly. I found myself frustrated and I yelled at her too. After I finally placed her into the car seat, we drove along in the van to school. I put on music. Within minutes my mood shifted. Together we began singing, dancing and smiling.

I try to play a variety of tunes for my children too. One of the vivid memories I have as a kid was my father playing music from the stereo, album player or CD player (yes, those old devices!) on weekends. My parents’ musical taste spanned a good range. I think they played it all – Neil Diamond, Gloria Estefan, Kenny G, Credence Clearwater Revival, Lionel Ritchie, Elvis, The Beatles, Reba McIntyre, Cajun and zydeco and whatever pop music was playing on the current radio stations too. My mom even liked the Backstreet Boys!

This is one tradition I’m passing down to my daughters. I play them all types of music.

Sometimes when we aren’t talking or don’t want to have conversation, putting on the music helps us bond. We sing songs together. I sing badly but Vivian has a great voice. Lana sounds cute because she’s so little. But together we could form our own singing girl group.

Our dog even jumps into the act too. So we pull him up on two legs and dance with him too.

So if I could add just one more goal for 2017, besides just spending time with my family, it would be to play more music. Play more funky music.

I’ll look for more songs and artists that I haven’t yet shared with my kids. I believe musical diversity makes me a more creative, appreciative person. Most of all, I think it makes me happier. Because when I’m sad or stressed, I find a song that helps me vent those feelings. Then I feel better.

I recall my daughter’s piano teacher telling me that she plays music and bangs on those piano keys to help her de-stress and get her emotions out too. I wish I knew how to play an instrument. I often write to fuel those tense times. But playing music in the background helps.

Now that music is so portable and available, it’s much easier to access it to formulate a better attitude.

I notice when my kids enjoy a song from a movie we watch. So I use that opportunity to later play that same tune and look for similar artists. Then I create a new playlist for them. We have, for example, from watching films created a Julie Andrews, Disney Princesses, Taylor Swift, Guardians of the Galaxy soundrack, Meghan Trainor, KC and the Sunshine Band playlist. This all began because I watched my girls light up when they heard songs by these musicians.

I no longer feel embarrassed for playing or liking any type of artist either. I fully admit I have played the Disney Frozen soundtrack song “Let it go,” in my minivan when my kids were not even in the vehicle. And I sang it like I was performing on a Broadway stage!

There have been times in my car that I have acted like such a fool singing Eminem or Queen. But honestly, who cares? It was fun! I likely burned a few calories too.

Play some music after you read this. Play more music in your day. Sing songs and dance. Expose your kids and friends to new songs that really speak to you.

Play more funky music my friends.