I Wish I Had the Time to Text and Drive

This is an editorial I wrote – a satirical piece on a serious topic: texting while driving.  I realize this is an important issue.  I also realize that we need to laugh more in life.  This was my way of bringing up the legal topic with a sense of humor.   This piece was published in the Sunday edition of the Pensacola News Journal on September 29, 2013.  I thought it deserved re-posting here…

I Wish I Had the Time to Text and Drive!

Recently the state of Florida joined the ranks among other U.S. states with a law on banning texting while driving. The Department of Transportation allows “officers to report driver distraction in the following categories: distracted by electronic communication devices (cell phone, etc), other electronic devices (navigation device, DVD player), other distraction inside the vehicle, external distraction (outside the vehicle), texting or general inattentiveness.”

While I am in agreement that texting while driving is a bad thing, I wonder who the law really touches upon? Teenagers talking to their friends? Business men and women on their way to meetings who check for last-minute details?

That law doesn’t really affect moms and other parents like me. There needs to be a whole
different legal ramification in place for distracted driving parents. I wish I had time to text and drive, to be honest. I’m too busy performing other acts and duties that I cannot even locate my phone on the road or even at a stop sign.

What parent has time to text while driving? My phone isn’t distracting me from my eyes on the road; my children are!

Why am I a distracted driver? Let’s see…

I’m required to be a referee when my two kids argue over a toy. Arms out, the black and white stripes go on my body. I break up two tantrums in one fell swoop.

I’m asked to be a D.J. My oldest daughter is requesting to hear another Disney Princess
song. Some days it is the Chipmunk’s rendition of Black Eyed Peas’ “I’ve Gotta Feelin’.” On rare occasions, we’re all able to agree on a current pop radio song by Train, Katy Perry or Pink.

I’m a food service worker. I hand crackers or pieces of bread to my youngest child to snack on. She’s doing the sign for milk, looking around for her Sippy cup. I wonder if it’s the in the pile on the vehicle floor – a.k.a. the bottomless pit of junk that seems to never remain clean?

I’m a fitness instructor. I’m far too busy to text because I’m practicing yoga moves while
driving. I stretch myself into positions and places I didn’t think were possible to reach for that toy my baby just dropped. Dear me, don’t let it fall into that bottomless pit we already
discussed!

I’m a performer and puppet-master. I whip those stuffed animals around the back of my
shoulder and neck, dance them on top of my steering wheel and toss them into the laps of my children when the dance recital and concert is over.

I’m a game show host. Any route longer than two miles requires game playing. From I Spy to Punch Buggy, my children and I have our eyes all over the place, instead of the road in
front. We look for strange shapes and objects in nature. We count the number of cars or the different colors we see.

Perhaps there should be a law against distracted parenting while driving? I wish there was. If I had a legitimate legal reason to keep my children quiet, have my eyes completely focused on the cars in front of me and could achieve some peace while driving, I’d gladly abide by the law.