Talk to Children Early about Consent and Sex, my editorial in the Pensacola News Journal and AL.com

July has been an excellent writing month for me.  I am once again appearing in the Pensacola News Journal for an editorial I wrote on encouraging parents to talk to children early about sex, consent and inappropriate behavior.  The story also appeared in the Alabama online news media too.  I’m thrilled that attention to this issue is being spread.  I hope it helps parents and makes them think about situations and how to best prepare their kids for being safe.

Here is the full article pasted below:

Does your 7-year-old child know about sex, consent and assault behavior? Mine does. She may not know those exact terms but hopefully she understands the general concepts of what they mean and what is appropriate from our family’s standpoint.

I have spoken with my oldest daughter several times on these difficult topics. I do not particularly enjoy these conversations but I deem them necessary, especially in a world filled with sexual assault and abuse allegations. Even before news stories surrounding people like Josh Duggar and Bill Cosby came out, I had these “special talks” with my kid. I told my daughter that only “mommy, daddy and a trained doctor or medical professional who’s in the room with your parents” are allowed to feel her in or around her private areas. I also explained how we can only touch her in certain ways for health reasons.

The latest celebrity media alerts didn’t spark me to initiate these talks, however. They just reinforced them further. No, I began a dialogue after I served one day of jury duty in the Escambia County courts system last year. I was nearly picked for a case involving sexual abuse of a child the same age as my daughter. After that eye-opening experience, I knew I needed to speak to her on consent and acceptable behavior.

Then I thought back to two sexually inappropriate times that occurred in my life as a child when I was too naïve to see or understand them. In fact, I was well into my 20s before I remembered the occasions with disgust. Both incidents occurred in places people would consider safe.

One was in the doctor’s office with my male physician. He stood too close to me during a visit and repeatedly pressed his genitals close to my legs. My mom was in the room, but she did not notice. I never spoke up about it. I didn’t realize until I was much older that this act was odd and improper. That physician has long since retired.

The second occurred at my church in the middle of a preacher’s sermon. This male attendee sat behind us nearly every Sunday. For months this grown man tried to play “footsie” with me under the pew. I was 11. Reflecting back, I truly thought this man was goofy or trying to be funny. It wasn’t until I was more mature that I understood what he was doing and the wrongness of his actions.

Thankfully no harm was caused to me during or after these minor incidents. I am fortunate that no implications or long-term effects ever occurred.

Still this proves that sexual behavior and inappropriateness can happen to anyone, anywhere at any time. Exposure to sexual curiosity and behavior are bound to occur at younger ages than parents or people realize. I do not want my children to be trusting and ignorant like I was in my youth. I cannot assume that they can or will remain innocent.

Have that talk with your children. Help them understand the boundaries. Let them know they have the right to speak up and should feel comfortable doing so.

The earlier you speak to your children about sex and sexually acceptable behaviors, the better off they will be in making safe, informed decisions. We cannot wait until middle school or college to educate our youth on consent. If we do, an inappropriate act, even a small one, may have already happened to them, just like it had for me.