Treading through Life at a Slower Pace

“I feel like I’m leaning back or going to fall,” my oldest daughter said. This was her first time on a treadmill. She held onto the sides with a firm grip.

A machine that seems so normal and easy for me to use was strange (and a tiny bit scary) for my teenager. At least it was for the first five minutes.

This may sound a bit silly, but why should it? Anytime we try something new, even a device that others are used to (I’ve been using one for over 20 years now), then of course it will be weird and uncomfortable. It’s simply unknown. The unknown can feel frightening.

The incline was only set to one. She wasn’t climbing a hill.

Still, I was reminded about so many things in life as I had to pause and teach both of my daughters how to use a treadmill.

I showed them the settings, explained the safety features, demonstrated how to adjust the pace faster or slower and gave overall tips.

My youngest daughter wasn’t interested but said she was glad she tried it. My oldest daughter put her music on in her ear buds and walked a mile at a fast pace, determined to increase her distance and pace each time she gets on.

I’ll admit that I snuck glances at my teen while she was on the treadmill. I grinned watching her looking forward, listening to her favorite tunes.

As a parent, one of the hardest things you do is teach your children skills and confidence that will ultimately lead them away from you and result in them forming a path on their own. This is such a painfully, beautiful duty that we are required to do.

Yet with this pandemic in 2020 and now spilling into 2021, our family has definitely slowed our pace significantly. We used to do a lot of coming and going from this place to that – school, activities, commutes to work, eating out, shopping, etc.

All of that has slowed to a halt for our family. I have had more time on my hands. The work is still there. That hasn’t slowed down. But it’s changed.

I find myself being able to watch my children when they don’t know I’m looking.

Does that sound creepy and stalkerish? I don’t mean it to be.

I was sitting at my desk reading an article when I heard noises coming from the backyard earlier today. My daughters were playing together. They were riding their scooters with the dogs running around them. Then one child created an obstacle course and they both performed the various tasks.

I watched them for a few minutes and then just realized how beautiful of a moment it was to witness. To just be home, not coming and going…to be more present and not having to be anywhere else.

I am adjusting to this slower pace in my life. I like it more than I care to admit most days. I’m able to check in with myself more too, really pay attention to how I’m feeling.

The slowness comes mostly on the weekends since the weekdays are more packed with work, school assignments, laundry and volunteer committees. But even week days are easier in many respects.

Lately I can adjust my life speed more easily when I need to or have to, much like the settings on the treadmill I showed my daughters.

I also know that there will be uphill climbs and battles, and that those will be much greater than the highest setting on our exercise machine. I know there will be times when I will fall or those around me will fall (literally, or into some unexpected, awful crisis).

I hear the battles and struggles from others. Some I don’t hear about but I sense are there.

I interviewed a lady recently who lost her husband to cancer. She is two years younger than me. I cried along with her as she shared her story. That just made me go hug my husband and love on my children more.

There are others struggling that I know, such as those who have lost loved ones or those who are close to that end-of-life stage. My heart aches for them all.

One of the reasons I exercise as often as I do is to help me jog or lift away some feelings of worry and stress. They don’t all go away but it helps. Because I wake up every day with a dozen things on my mind – from house chores to prayers I’m saying for people in my head… It can be overwhelming.

That’s why I really try to observe what is around me so often. It’s why I get lost in a fitness routine or a book or my writing or a recipe or something creative with my children. It’s more for my sanity than for the outcome or any physical aspects.

Still, despite all the sadness and angst and heartbreak happening in the world and to people I know, I try each day to count my blessings. I try to find something good and to slow my breath. I try to smile daily even if it’s just from making a silly face or seeing my dogs do something that only dogs will do.

I don’t want to be in a hurry anymore. I am enjoying a slower or steady pace.

I’m trying to listen to my body, mind and soul for when I need to adjust those settings – realizing when to increase or decrease my stride, to skip a workout, to lay in child’s pose (or my bed) or to just play music.