Just Be Better Than Your Former Self

My spouse and I re-watched a film over the weekend, “Kingsman: The Secret Service.” We sat down to soak it in again after we saw the sequel in the theater. In it a line by main character and mentor Colin Firth was said to a rookie kingsman in training Taron Egerton. The phrase really struck both my husband and me.

That quote is credited to Ernest Hemingway and says, “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

Isn’t that lovely? When you stop and think about it, aren’t these good words to live by?

I am in competition with no one but myself. I don’t need to be better than anyone else except the person I was five seconds ago, five days ago and five years ago.

I can’t stop thinking about this statement and how it should be told to children at an early age. I’m going to tell it to my daughters. I’m going to whisper it to myself when I find notions of doubt, jealousy or insecurity creep up inside.

It doesn’t matter what the person next to me is accomplishing or not achieving. I’m not that person. I am me. What am I doing to enhance myself and be better than the person I was or am right now?

Sometimes that may include just reading to broaden my mind. It may mean networking within a professional group to gain new skills and learn more in my community. Or it could mean doing a random, kind act for another person or simply sending a helpful resource or a ‘I thought of you today’ note to a friend.

There is always a small way we can improve and do the right thing. We can cast aside the zealous, ruthless nature and replace it with self-transformation. We can be our own kingsman and kingswoman and act with self courage and true nobility as the wise gentleman Colin Firth says.

Thank you Kingsman and Ernest Hemingway (if you really did say this quote) for this little reminder. Yesterday I did good. Today I will work toward being better. And tomorrow I will try it all over again.

Writing Lessons from a Writer

I recently had the privilege of speaking to a group of 50 teachers for the National Writing Project conference at the University of West Florida. I delivered an hour long presentation on my writing background and experiences writing as a child. In addition, I shared how I came to write the book Kazoo Makes the Team and my thoughts on corporate and creative writing. Best of all, I had handouts with more than thirty writing exercises that educators can take back to their classroom.

The whole experience was extraordinary. It was a defining moment as I realized that I had reached that goal in my life as a writer and it was now my turn to give back to others. Doing this helped me to combine all my writing, Toastmasters, and childhood experiences into one big teachable moment. It was validating and very reflective for me.

I have a published book. I have a dream job that I love with a great group of people.

Bucket list items, two of them, are checked.

How lucky am I? Very! And I don’t forget that.

Now my hope is to inspire and encourage other future writers. I want to share what has worked for me, what I do that helps me continually create writing content and what I do with my own children to spark creativity.

I created a 21-page handout for these teachers. But if anyone wants to see it and share it, I welcome it. Write to me at writtenbymandy@gmail.com if you want a copy of it.

Good tips should be shared. Especially when it comes to writing and speaking. Those are two of the most critical things that people need to go far in life and be successful.

So please write. Just keep writing. Write in many ways. Let me inspire you and help you.

And thank you to everyone who has helped shape me and encourage me in my writing journey. I’m only just getting started…with no plans to slow down.

Literary Symposium Inspires the Writer, Parent and Mentor in Me

How does a writer like me re-energize and stay inspired to keep writing? The answer to that changes daily. But today my inspiration came from a whole room full of people, mostly educators dedicating time on a Saturday to help promote writing and reading among the youth in our community. It was a humbling, amazing experience. I haven’t tackled a personal, big writing project since my children’s book. I write every day and edit for my full-time paying job and I enjoy it immensely but sometimes I just want to write what I want to write and be among literary folks. Today I had that opportunity, and I was able to hang out with my dear, sweet editor and friend Linda too.

The University of West Florida College of Education and Professional Studies, the UWF National Writing Project and the Early Learning Coalition of Escambia County held a literary symposium. It kicked off with a self-declared non-reader, bilingual and mixed race boy from a border town of Mexico and San Diego, who later went on to become a Newberry Medal winning author. Mr. Matt de la Peña, a best-selling author of six young adult novels and two illustrated children’s books, shared insights into his writing journey when he delivered the keynote speech at the event.

The symposium was entitled “See the Beauty in Books.” Teachers and writers in the community attended breakout sessions offered by educators involved in the National Writing Project (NWP).

NWP is a network providing resources and tools to help educators improve the teaching of writing and learning in schools and communities. UWF is one of only four Florida universities that are part of the NWP network. UWF’s NWP offers a three-week summer training program for Pensacola-area teachers designed to help them boost students’ writing skills.
De le Peña read his award-winning book, “Last Stop at Market Street.” He also recounted his family upbringing and personal struggles as a child. Educators told him he would have to repeat the second grade because of his poor reading skills. He began to dislike school and believe he was not capable of doing well. His biggest mistake was labeling himself as dumb and incapable. He shared a story of watching his uncle be handcuffed and taken away by police when he was thirteen years old revealing how those moments as an eighth grader became later central themes in his books. Subjects of embarrassment, shame and self criticism are key messages in his stories.

Later de le Peña fought against his own stereotype and worked harder to become a better reader. As a sophomore he began to write poems in the back of class. One teacher noticed and encouraged him to compose more. When de le Peña was accepted into college on a basketball scholarship, his father, who did not have a high school diploma at the time, told him, “We think you are a success,” and those words forever changed de le Peña. That uplifting statement freed him from the pressures of following in his working class parents’ footsteps. He would pursue whatever he wanted to study in school.

Still it was years later, in college, before de le Peña realized that he wanted to be a writer and tell stories from his past. Again it was another teacher who encouraged him to read a novel. The book, “The Color Purple,” changed de le Peña’s perspective on characters. He realized he could root and care for them, even people of different ages, races and cultures.

“Teachers, some of the moves you make and the words you say now to kids will not take effect until years later,” said de le Peña to the symposium crowd of educators and writers.

“But they do matter and can have a positive effect, just as they did for me,” he added.

De le Peña described books as filling an empty void inside him. Reading books helped him to become a better writer. He praised teachers in the room for attending the event to help young students also become better readers and writers.

Hearing his words took me back to the ten year old inside me. My upbringing was nothing like Mr. de le Pena’s. Mine was ordinary and normal and boring in some cases. I think that’s why I turned to books…to add more adventure in my life. I wrote poems about things I had never even experienced in fifth grade. Yet somehow I was compelled, drawn to writing them. Sometimes I still am, even at age 38.

In addition to the keynote presentation given by de la Peña, attendees selected two professional development sessions taught by NWP members. Teachers presented writing techniques for different school grades. Speakers shared experiences that sparked creativity in the classroom for writing and reading assignments. Instructors shared positive criticism techniques for students and example writing assignments. I was taking notes like crazy. I may not be a teacher but I’m a parent to two young girls and I was thinking…”I’m going to try this at home…” and “Hmm, maybe that writing prompt will help me in my work and my personal writing…”

It was helpful. I so enjoyed being around people who are passionate about reading and writing. I have had a few standout teachers in my educational experience but these women and men were really working hard to make a positive impact in my community’s schools and beyond.

I have reached out to extend my gratitude and offer to help with their endeavors. If I had more mentors and engagement as a kid, I may be on my tenth book instead of just my second one. So my goal is to encourage others to write, to read and to dream of possibilities…whatever they may be!

What knowledge can you share with those around you? How can your talents help others? Today’s event opened up my eyes, ears and ideas wider and for that and for the people who hosted it, I am thankful.

The Importance of Reading

I have been thinking about the importance of reading the past few days. As next week is Celebrate Literacy Week in Florida, schools all over the state and in my district are planning activities to engage kids in reading. This makes my soul happy. I wish adults could have a break from the regular work activities to do our own literacy celebration. No, sorry, responding to emails and texts on the phone do not truly count as reading.

Now that I incorporate reading time with my daughters each week, I crave it more often. I’m reminded how at age ten, I really fell in love with books. I remember reading over 50 books in the summer months to achieve the “Super reader award” from my local library. I loved escaping into the characters’ minds, in the enchanted world of princesses or trolls and in the rhyming wacky tales of Dr. Seuss or Shel Silverstein.

Guess what? I still do. I heard that Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project books created her own young adult and children’s reading groups. I can see why. There is something so magical about kids’ books and there is less tension and drama (usually) than adult stories. Adult world in general often loses that whimsical nature we enjoy.

Since October I’ve been reading Harry Potter books with my nine year old. I had never read them previously. I take pleasure in them just as my daughter. I love to end an active, non-stop day with reading a chapter or two about the latest Hogwarts happening. I also love reading Pinkalicious and Olivia the Pig tales to my four year old who is into all things pink, girly, mischievous and beautiful right now.

Reading is fun. But it’s also so important to everything we do in life – how we navigate, how we are informed to make decisions, how we decide on the foods we put into our bodies, how we legally bind ourselves in homes, possibly marriages or jobs and more. Reading may help us out of a jam or create a great strawberry jam. It’s unavoidable, yet often underappreciated by many.

Think of how dependent a person is if he or she cannot read – how powerless they may be without knowing words and what they mean. So this next week, during literacy week, I urge you to read for enjoyment, to read for empowerment, to read because you can, to read for others who may not yet be able to but long to do so. Just read and be grateful.

I look forward to my school visits on Monday and Tuesday – to share my book and the reason why I wrote a story worth sharing with children and families. Happy Reading! Happy Celebrate Literacy Week! Don’t honor it just once a year. Incorporate it into your life each day and when you read something positive, uplifting and gratifying, say a blessing that you were able to come across something so wonderful.

Ask for Help and Self Promote

I gave the invocation at my Toastmasters group meeting last week. This part of the meeting is designed to be inspirational and set the tone. A few days prior to my delivering this 1 to 3 minute speech, I gathered my thoughts. What did I want to say?

I thought about a helpful meeting I had with a friend recently. I thought about it being the day before my 38th birthday and what I had learned myself over the past year. Finally it came to me. I offered two pieces of advice to the attendees:

1) Ask for help, and
2) Self promote.

These are two notions I spoke vividly on with my fellow Toastmasters because I believe they are important lessons that I’ve learned in my thirties, concepts that I’ve changed my mind about since my twenties and younger.

The thing is that for some odd reason, I used to view asking for help as a sign of weakness. Crazy, right? Because it isn’t. It’s quite the opposite.

Asking for help, looking for a mentor, is a big strength indicator. Asking for feedback is a sign you want to grow, improve and reach new potential. Realizing that we cannot do it alone takes courage.

We should ask for help. We should ask for guidance to check our gut, see if we’re on the right track, bounce off ideas and look at new perspectives. We should ask for assistance to meet a deadline, spend focused time with loved ones, and do more meaningful tasks that can impact others.

After we ask for help and receive it, we should then pay it forward to others. Who can we mentor and help out? How can we share that knowledge and the lessons we learned? It’s a give and take process, one we should never be ashamed of.

I’m so glad I see that now. When I’ve not been given an opportunity, a job or a role I wanted, I always asked why. I asked what I could do differently. I asked how I can strengthen my abilities and my skills. I’ve never been sorry that I asked for help.

I recently heard a great convocation speech by a University of West Florida alumni member, Harriet Wyer. She offered three pieces of her own advice to incoming freshmen. Her first suggestion was exactly the one I gave in my Toastmasters group. She urged students to ask for help, to ask for what they want, and to be specific about it. Wise words Harriet, I could not agree more!

What about after you receive that help and after you’ve learned those important lessons? This led me to my second point I gave in my Toastmasters invocation.

Self promote! Sell yourself. Share your newfound skills, talents and knowledge.

Again, years earlier I thought this was “bragging” or being boastful. Those words have negative connotations associated with them however.

Don’t think of it in that regard. Instead realize that you’ve worked hard. You’ve proven yourself to get to a new level.

Therefore, be proud of your achievements. Talk about them with others and encourage them to share their successes.

Promote yourself. Believe in yourself. If you don’t, how can you expect others to do so?

Again, it’s taken me most of my life to realize this concept. It’s only in the last few years that I read my writing or see an award and think, “Wow, I deserved that. I did well.”

I do not want to seem arrogant. But when any of us put in the time, effort and dedication, it’s not being conceited, it’s real results. And we should be able to confidently speak about the exertion we show and the accomplishments we are making.

So again, I’ll say it. To find reward, success and to live a fuller life, ask for help and self-promote.

Celebrate you and your life’s work!

How to be a Difference Maker 101

Will a difference you make OR a space you take? This was a billboard sign I read recently.

Wow, that was a powerful question indeed. It truly had me pondering. A few years ago, I would have just dismissed the message without much regard.

Now the words matter to me. I have no interest in just taking up space. I want to make a difference.

I am making a difference actually. I can finally recognize that and say it out loud. I say the phrase proudly and not boastfully. I utter the statement because two people told me this week that I helped them. One was a complete stranger to me too.

Both people wrote to me saying I helped or made a difference. I also heard another colleague speaking about me with high praise to senior personnel. This was all unscripted and unprompted by me.

The truth is though that I wasn’t always thinking in terms of outreach and helping others. My work used to be more selfish and internal goals. I don’t think that’s a true bad thing. We have to start somewhere.

But something has changed in me within the last year and a half. I have developed a strong desire to work more with a purpose, to find ways to help a greater amount of people. My mindset has grown.

Here are three ways I’ve cultivated being a difference maker:

1) Think small then go broad.

2) Share experiences and lessons learned with others.

3) Give tips or advice but loosely so others can develop their own strengths.

Think small then go broad
With any project and decision, we often start small. We should start small whenever possible. Maybe we do something for selfish reasons. I believe that’s okay, at least in the beginning. Take action because of a personal gain.

Have an extra scoop of ice cream if you want it. Then teach your children how to make homemade treats. Bring in treats made by your kids to a classroom, a group in a nursing home or a veterans club.

Perhaps you just read a really inspiring book? You know someone who may enjoy reading it too. Share the story and the reason why with that person. Send a note of thanks to the author who wrote it via social media.

These are just two examples that come to my mind. So many possibilities exist.

Reach a goal because it matters to just you. Do something fun because you want to do it. After you complete it though, think bigger. Compose ways that your experiences could help others. This leads into the next point.

Share experiences and lessons learned with others
Who else can benefit from what you’re doing? Is there a way to pay it forward? Can you simply write down the lessons learned in a way that other people can emulate?

Share those experiences. Speak about those lessons learned if they can motivate community members. Write an editorial about what you’ve accomplished or even failed at recently. This leads into the final point of how to be a difference maker.

Give tips or advice loosely
Many people dole out advice when not asked or wanted. Often it can seem condescending, even if not meant to be that way. That is part of life.

When you give helpful suggestions, do so in a non-threatening, helpful and conversational manner. Say things like, “This worked for me so maybe they can help you. I know you’ll figure out what is best for you to do.” Or “I’m giving you this feedback because I see you want to improve and you’re on the right track.”

We can offer tips and accept advice in a thankful, gracious manner. Ultimately we each form our own path and listen to our gut and trusted mentors. Still it’s nice to be open to new ideas and to counsel colleagues when we can.

Be a Difference Maker
Ask yourself how you can be a difference maker. Think of ways, even small ones that you can do more than just take up space.

Or if you decide to just do nothing, I only ask one thing of you. Please step out of the way of people like me who want to do more.

A Little Less Contemplation, A Little More Action

Like most people in their twenties, I had fun in those years and didn’t work too hard. I dreamed away the first thirty years of my life with no regrets.

After I entered the third decade however, I began to want more. I began to contemplate less and take more action. My head floated down from the clouds and my feet found their way to the ground, ready to leap.

I used to let ideas fly around outside of me but not implement them. I had an excuse. I was too busy.

Now I write down the ideas as they hit me. I even have to pull over while driving at times to capture the big notion.

I keep the suggestion close by for a few days and jot down thoughts about it. How could I make this work? Who can I talk to about it? What steps should I take to put a plan in motion? I ask myself these things as I determine if it’s a feasible project or task to undertake.

In the past I would overthink and over-analyze my inner voice. I’d put me through the wringer before I even gave myself a chance to try on a pair of wings.

Finally I realized that a bit less contemplation and a little more action was needed to go in the right direction. What’s the worst that could happen? I could make a mistake. I could try but not obtain what I wanted. I could reflect on the bad things after they happen instead of worry so much beforehand?

Are you thinking too much? Are you waiting for the right moment?
It doesn’t always exist. Sometimes we need to just do it, take action and make it happen.

For example:

My co-worker said, We should really do this ____.
Let’s do it, I say. Start the plan and let’s go.

I need help with this, my friend pleads.
How can I help? I offer.

Mommy, could we go here ____?
Yes sweetie, let’s go. Why not?

I need your advice, a colleague says. Could we meet for lunch?
Absolutely I say. Give me some dates and times.

I admire that person and want to know more about her.
I’m going to reach out and set up an opportunity to meet.

My husband wants to schedule more intimate time for our family.
I look up two new restaurants, schedule a dolphin cruise, and make a date.

I want to eat healthier and make time to exercise.
I bulk cook on the weekend with foods I feel good about.
I schedule in short fitness routines.

I hear a team member complain about an office policy habit.
I remind that employee to problem-solve or find a way to make it better.

My oldest daughter makes a snide remark to her sister.
I remind her that if her words are not kind or helpful, she should keep them to herself.

After a gorgeous walk along the pier taking in the bay sights and sounds,
a man began cutting grass and blowing dust all over the place.
Still I choose to be grateful for the peaceful time I had with my family.

We have choices. We can take action.
We can contemplate or regret later.

But we’ll never know what will work and what good may come unless we do…unless we go, try, speak, dance and smile.

Go do something. Don’t just make plans. Don’t just write a to-do list. Do the things you are yearning.

Stop reading this and go have a little fun.

We Need to Read More Children’s Books

The world needs more children’s books. And more adults need to read them in this uncertain, disturbing society that we often live in.

As I read book after book to my kids today, I heard all the important messages that we adults need to remember. I felt uplifted and hopeful after hearing simple reminders of:
– how to be a good person,
– how to handle yourself in disaster situations (bee attacks, dragon fights),
– how to handle a bully,
– how to be happier even when you’re not feeling that way,
– how to handle being afraid,
– how to be a good neighbor,
and so much more.

Take this one by author and illustrator Nancy Carlson called Think Happy. Without giving away all the details of the book, here is a collage I made with some of the key points about her simple but elegantly stated story:

Carlson says we need to think happy and make ourselves happy.
She suggests that we:
– Be happy by having fun.
– Be happy by speaking up for ourselves.
– Be happy by being friendly.
– Be happy by taking care of our bodies.
– Be happy by staying calm.

Why do we forget these simple rules and solutions as adults? Why can’t we play in the sandbox like we did when we were kids?

We need to read more children’s books. I’ve decided that.

I’ll say it again. We need to read and understand the messages of kindness, love, hope and coping in children’s books. We need to apply it into our own lives. I stand by that.

We also need to support and keep our libraries open. My two children and I visited our local library today. I proudly state that it was my 8-year old’s idea to make the trip. It was our first visit since the summer began and we spent nearly two hours in the children’s section.

The library is more than just a place for books. It’s full of history. It serves as a gathering place for people who don’t have an alternative. Ours has puzzles, games, puppets and paper and crayons to doodle. It also has really helpful, kind people on staff.

I nearly pulled my back out this afternoon because we loaded up on books. My kids and I left with 30 books, 5 movies, 2 photos taken with the scenery, and 1 new library card for my youngest daughter (age 4). Thankfully I brought a bag to carry most of them in. But I fear I pulled a muscle. It’s for a good cause though – exercising my mind and offering me a reading adventure.

I let my children pick out the books they want but I make suggestions as well. More often than not they like the selection I give them. After all, I knew them well and the types of characters they will enjoy reading about.

I wrote a children’s book last year. That book has been beautifully illustrated. Now it’s moving into the next phase and it’s getting closer to being published. I’m so proud of it. I’m so amazed that it’s all happening to me. Soon to the kids in my region and beyond will be delighting over it.

In the book I wrote a message of hope. With it, I wish to help children in my community and beyond. I don’t want people to give up. I won’t give up.

I will remember the lessons I’ve learned. I will teach them again to myself and my children.

I will eat green eggs and ham.

I will transform into a butterfly.

I will remember that there’s a friendly monster at the end of the book.

I will remember to have joy and laughter and hope.

I will read more children’s books.

Pick and Choose the Advice That Fits

A few days ago I had a one-on-one meeting with a very influential, powerful female leader. I respect her immensely. We talked casually and openly. I shared my aspirations, current graduate school studies and future career ideas.

This leader gave me her no-filtered, blunt advice. She does not hold back. I appreciated that. But as she spoke, I realized quickly that I could not follow her suggestions. Her path was vastly different than mine.

She knew exactly what she wanted at an early age. She never started a traditional family with children. Her work and her research was and still is her most prized treasure. She suggested I double up on my school and work harder and quicker right now.

I thanked her. But I also walked away knowing her advice wasn’t the right fit for me. And that’s okay. It was still nice to hear it and to recognize that I can form my own path. My family comes first. That’s the choice I made and continue to make. I am forging ahead in my career and my education but it will always come secondary to the people I am so fortunate to come home to every single day.

I also realized in our meetup that leadership skills can be learned and earned. At least for me they can be. I look at who I was and who I am now. Two years ago I would have never even had the courage to make an appointment with this woman, this very hard to get a meeting with leader. And yet there I was in her office, watching her drink coffee and dole out her words of wisdom.

Now I go up to anyone. I ask a ton of questions. I find mentors. I seek out people who can help me and I can learn from professionally and personally. I know that I cannot move ahead with just my own wishes and my own drive. No woman or man is an island. We grow and step up when we are fortunate to be around people who do the same or force us to do so because they do not and we are tired of just sitting there.

I have learned to pick and choose advice carefully. I take the time to listen to nearly anyone but I can quickly move past the words that do not apply to me. How refreshing it is to listen to someone else and respect them and their choices yet know it is not for me!

You can do it too. Talk to others. Hear their stories and their paths to success. But understand that you can do whatever is best for you.

The Power of Words and how to Talk like TED

I gave the below speech today to the Gulf Power Engineering Society and my fellow Toastmasters group on May 26, 2016. I wrote this in March 2016 and finally had the opportunity to deliver it for a crowd in the way I wanted.

This was my final speech to complete the Toastmasters Competent Communicator manual. I met my goal of finishing all ten speeches by end of May 2016. I began with speech # 1 in August of 2015.

I’m really proud of how far I have come and my confidence in giving public presentations. Thank you to my Toastmasters group, colleagues and classmates for the encouragement and continual feedback so I can improve!

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Title: The Power of Words and how to Talk like TED, Mandy’s Speech # 10 – Inspire

Imagine being publicly humiliated overnight on a global scale. You no longer have a private life, a protected life. You are reminded every day of the biggest mistake of your life. One you made in your early 20’s. Now you’re over 40 and you’re still known as a slut, a tramp or simply that woman. This is how Monica Lewinsky references herself and recalls her past in the TED Talk she gave in March of 2015. (Show picture of her – point to slide)

Monica is of course the White House intern with a romantic link to former President Bill Clinton. Their affair set off a worldwide media frenzy and political scandal in 1998. Even if you don’t like or know a thing about Ms. Lewinsky, I believe you’d be captivated by her TED TALK speech and impressed with her delivery, just as I was. After all, you don’t typically get invited to do a TED Talk unless you are inspiring, informative or thought provoking in some way.

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. They are 18 minutes speeches that are typically given at conferences. They are recorded and put on a website. Each video has an average viewing of a million people.

Why is TED so popular? I’ve watched about 100 of the videos over the last year and I’ve examined three key elements that I believe make their presentations and speeches successful. It follows much of the same philosophy as our Toastmasters group.

The three key elements to Talk like TED are:

1) Tell a story within your speech – it can be a personal experience or a borrowed one from someone else. But tell a story that may resonate with others.

2) Use facts and statistics – this builds credibility

3) Create a call to action or have a takeaway for the audience

Monica’s TED Talk is one of the most memorable I’ve seen.

First, Monica shared her personal story – She talked about what it felt like to go from being unknown to being publicly humiliated overnight, by every news media outlet in the world.

She details the agony of having to listen to herself for 20 hours – the telephone recordings she had made in private with someone she thought was a friend. Over and over she listened to what she says was “the worst version of herself.”

She asks the audience to raise their hand if they had not done something stupid at the age of 22 that they later regretted. No one seemed to raise their hand.

She gave a humorous story on being hit on by a 27 year old in her 40’s. His failed pick-up line was “I can make you feel 22 again.” Both she and the entire TED Talk audience laughed. Monica said she was the only person who would probably never want to be 22 again.

After the humor she went straight into the serious issue at hand – cyberbullying, although it wasn’t called that in 1998. There was no buzz word for what she experienced at the time.

Monica revealed, “Not a day goes by when I’m not reminded of my past and my public humiliation from 1998.”

Monica then went beyond her personal story. She shared someone else’s story, which is another great tactic for speeches. If you don’t have your own experiences to share, look for someone else’s worth talking about. Monica mentioned Tyler Clementi, a gay Rutgers University freshman who jumped off a bridge in September 2010, just a few days after ridicule and shame took over his social life after his roommate posted an online video of him being intimate with another man.

Monica she was quiet for a long time but finally decided to break her silence to help others and to show and prove that public humiliation can be survived. She had done it. More importantly, her new purpose is to stop a culture of public shaming and cyberbullying.

Monica then went on to the second important TED Talk element – using statistics and data, for validity, like:

A popular telephone hotline, called Childline located in the U.K. reported from 2012 to 2013 that 87% of their calls were related to cyberbullying. 87%.

And she said, according to meta analysis in the Netherlands, Cyberbullying had surpassed direct, physical bullying. No more punches and bruises. Now people stab with words and put them on the internet and social media for everyone to read and find forever.

She also found statistics that revealed that humiliation is more intensely felt emotion than happiness or even anger.

By giving these facts, these statistics, Monica was building her case, giving herself and her cause more credibility.

She demonstrated how we are now living in a “culture of humiliation.” She wants there to be an “intervention on the internet” – for people to build more compassion and have empathy instead of bullying and shaming.

Her tactics were working. I was listening. I was being drawn to her cause as I heard her speak.

When you are developing your own speech or presentation, look for statistics that you can incorporate to help make a point. Is your audience going to remember all of them? Probably not. But they build your case. They help illustrate the proof behind the story you’re telling.

The third and final aspect Monica did in her successful talk is to find a way to create a call to action. We in Toastmasters can do the same. Urge your listeners to do something. Have a takeaway. Give the members of your group something tangible to remember your words.

This makes an impression. This keeps the words in the mind of others. Then they start talking about it and sharing what you said. They become ideas worth spreading, just like the TED Talk tagline says (point to slide).

Monica’s call to action is to have people #click with compassion. She urges the audience to become an “up-stander” or a person who posts only positive comments and reports bullying or negative shaming.

She tells the listeners to “Imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline.” Monica speaks about all people deserving compassion and everyone deserving a right to a private life both online and offline.

She delivers two lines that struck me as the best ones from her speech. She said, I’m here to “take back my narrative” and “we deserve a chance to write a different ending to our story.”

Those were powerful and thought-provoking words for me. They changed my mind and my opinion of her. Just like that. Does she have to pay for those mistakes the rest of her life? Do others kids deserve to be publicly humiliated online to the point where they want to take their own lives? That is something to ponder.

Closing of speech:
I never thought I’d be quoting Monica Lewinsky or referencing her in a presentation I would give. Her talk isn’t the only incredible one either. There are so many influential, amazing speeches. I have a handout here – my own takeaway for you – that shares ten memorable TED talks that I enjoyed (Hold up my takeaway and hand out at end of speech).

Words are powerful. TED Talks are powerful. We can be powerful in Toastmasters. We can:
1. deliver speeches that tell our stories and the stories of others,
2. use facts to support our narrative,
3. create a call to action to keep the momentum of our talks relevant.

And we can do all of this, as Monica suggests, with more compassion.

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(Speech written by Mandy B. Fernandez. Video reference is The Price of Shame TED Talk by Monica Lewinsky)