Remove Maybe As an Option – Just Be Yes or No

A few days ago I was asked to be part of a project. I said “No” right away.

I’ll be honest…it felt really good to say No! I gave a strong, quick answer. I was decisive. I felt empowered.

Damn, I really meant it too. I said No and Wow, I was relieved. I took myself out of the equation and off the hook. I breathed in a small victory. (Note: This was for an extracurricular activity by the way, not my child asking me for a meal or my boss asking me to complete a job duty.)

To clarify, I wasn’t trying to be negative either. Instead I knew immediately in my gut that the partnership wasn’t right. I knew the person asking me to do the task was going to conveniently let me do the bulk of the work. I felt the tension of the rewards not matching my expectations. In my mind I could picture the tasks dragging me down and the individual next to me would likely drive me crazy.

Also, the timing was wrong. The request was voluntary so there was no reason I had to say yes. I wasn’t being rude. I was doing us both a favor in the long run.

After all, I am committed to other organizations, class assignments and family obligations right now. My plate is nearly full.

But I still say Yes when the feeling is right. Last week I was offered a different opportunity. I replied with a big, strong “Yes.” That was for a monthly writing column opportunity set to begin in June and last through December. I can determine the content. Best of all, I have the chance to help other parents with creativity and resources…a win for everyone!

That was a fast reply for me. I said that Yes with fierceness. I didn’t wait or over-analyze the motives. I didn’t do what I hear so many people say, use the word, “Maybe.”

Lately I’m not a fan at all of the word maybe. In fact, I find myself loathing the word Maybe. I roll my eyes at it. I stick my tongue out at it.

Maybe is an excuse to prolong a response. People use it to be indecisive. I know this because I used to be one of those “maybe people.”

I’m turning a corner however. I’m not going to sit on the fence. I’m jumping down to one side or the other.

Why not decide what you want and what’s best? Commit to yes or simply say no.

Don’t respond with “Maybe” to a social event or gathering. I cringe when I see people responding maybe to a meeting I’ve planned. Google needs to rid that option from its Calendar. I will write a letter to their CEO. How do you plan for a “maybe”? Many people write that to be polite when they don’t have any intention of showing up.

I truly wish they would tell me if they want to be there or not for my meeting or party. My feelings won’t be hurt if the answer is no.

Our leisure time is so precious. We should spend it wisely and align moments with our values. When you say “Yes” to one person, volunteer activity, work assignment, project or goal, you are inevitably saying “No” to something else. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t make excuses. Just be.

I ask myself, “Why not yes or no?” Do I want to go? Say yes. Then I make every attempt to attend. If I don’t want to go or I have a conflict, I say no.

Do you want to say NO more? Do it. Don’t be afraid, especially if it serves your goals and causes you to be more mindful with your loved ones and aspirations. Saying no isn’t being impolite. It’s often necessary and let me tell you…quite liberating!

What about Yes? Those moments when you want to say yes but hold back a little bit… you don’t wish to be too eager in front of others. You don’t want to be viewed in a certain way. Again, put those hesitant feelings aside. If the right opportunity strikes, say yes with conviction and passion!

These are lessons I’m learning and finally putting into play. I will say Yes and I will say No. But “Maybes”…you maybes have no place in my future.

Bee-lieve in Local Business Impact

Over a year ago I wrote about Bee movie and how bees may be small creatures but their contributions to our community make a huge impact. The film I saw with my children was the perfect metaphor to describe how important the contributions are that small businesses make in our economy. Today I had the great pleasure of meeting a local beekeeper and small business owner, Tommy Van Horn of East Hill Honey Co.

Van Horn took a friend and I to see his bee pastures in Milton where honey is cultivated. I had my first up close and personal experience with swarming bees and honey making. I wore a protective suit (see picture above. I’m the short one) while Tommy gave me a demonstration on how to tell when the honey is ripe or still in the making. The comb wax formations were incredible to see and touch.

Tommy’s background is equally impressive. A friend introduced him to beekeeping and he quickly developed a passion for it, even with no former agricultural experience. He is kind, patient and heartfelt about his chosen profession. He loves what he does. His words about his family, business and the community comes through when he speaks.

Van Horn mentioned particularly loving the balance between working outside in nature independently with networking to market and sell his products. From start to finish, he’s involved in every aspect of his service. His honey is more than a jar – it’s a way of life for he and his family that is leaving an incredible impact on the community too.

I was even more impressed with his thoughtfulness in caring for the bees. He strives to protect them and provide safe, growing conditions for them to thrive in. Van Horn’s family and his beliefs play important roles in how he manages his business–with compassion and integrity. He had a calming effect on the bees and on me as I watched the action a few feet away.

East Hill Honey has the drive to grow their honey and the financial backing to expand operations which they are doing soon. In all this development, they will provide greater benefits to the environment and increase the health of those of us lucky to consume it.

Their honey is more than just that glowing, delectable and sticky product in our tea, breads and cakes. My only hope is that other local businesses can bottle up the same success that East Hill is reaping. I want our whole region to see sweet rewards and be allergen free too.

My Experience Teaching Second Graders Business Tips for Upcoming School Market Day

Eighteen pairs of eyes gazed at me as I explained the term entrepreneur. I gave a 45 minute lesson plan on business tips for second graders to Denise Moore’s class at Beulah Elementary School on April 6.

I give presentations often for my employer, the Florida SBDC at UWF, but I was most nervous about speaking to these second graders. My daughter Vivian was among the crowd I spoke to offering tips on business planning and delivering a sales pitch.

Beulah Elementary School will hold its annual Market Day on May 6 when students sell their homemade products or service to other students. Boys and girls will use pretend money they have earned to make purchases. Second grade teacher Cathy Graves began this lesson plan fifteen years ago after completing a “Mini Society” workshop that covered economics. She remarked, “I have only received compliments from parents since I implemented this project at Beulah.”

Market day is designed for students to put their economics lessons into practice. Planning for it begins six to eight weeks prior. Second graders learn a lot about consumer product and demand. They create a store, make open and close signs, determine product prices and make payments for their goods. Students earn money by doing jobs in the classroom. They are even paid bonuses for good behavior. The teachers ask them to pay “rent” for their desks or charge a “moving fee” if their desk is relocated.

Principal Monica Silvers emphasized, “These are wonderful, practical applications for our students to learn about how the economy works. Teachers like Mrs. Graves and Mrs. Moore make it fun for their classes to learn the value of money.”

When my child brought home the school project, I immediately decided to reach out to assist in the classroom. I contacted Mrs. Moore with my suggestions to teach a mini-lesson to her class about the what, how, and why of business-planning. I knew I could offer tips on how students can sell their products too.

My lesson plan included bringing in an actual product to engage students and invite their feedback. I brought in a “beach in a box.” In addition, I spent two hours developing the lesson plan, creating handouts, and coming up with ways to hold interest from seven to eight year olds on business, an often complex topic.

I definitely gained more appreciation for the time and effort teachers like Mrs. Moore put into developing learning activities for children like my own. I was glad to give her a small break so I could share my knowledge on business to help her class prepare for Market Day.

Moore thanked me for coming in to speak with her students. She said I delivered valuable information to her class that will carry over to Market Day. The students were engaged and excited during that short period of time, especially Vivian; she didn’t know I was coming in as a guest speaker.

The transfer of skills from school to real life is evident. Moore explained, “Lessons like this teach real life experiences. Many of the kids grow up to be property and business owners. Our mini society lesson plans and Market Day provide valuable tools to make them think about saving and not wasting it. My students will have limited dollars to buy the things they want on Market Day. They quickly learn that money they have earned does not last long.”

If more parents, teachers, organizations or schools wish to learn more about how to set up their own Mini Society or Market Day, they can contact the school’s project organizer Cathy Graves via email at Cgraves@escambia.k12.fl.us or they can call Beulah Elementary School at (850) 941-6180.

(Contributors to this article include Denise Moore, Cathy Graves and Monica Silvers. Thank you!)

Designing Your Future: Takeaways from the UWF Women in Leadership Conference

Today I attended the University of West Florida Women in Leadership Conference. This inspiring event was put on by the College of Business. The theme was “Designing Your Future” and it indeed conveyed the message that we female leaders can create our own path to success.

The conference included three main guest speakers. Two panels of female leaders also served as the attractions of the day.

President of the University, Dr. Judy Bense, kicked off the event with her honest and practical advice. She referenced how being a leader is often a “lonely place, a painful place at times.” She mentioned that thick skin is needed. Dr. Bense commented that leaders must “be flexible,” “be an opportunist,” and “take risks.” She said her greatest lesson learned after becoming President of UWF is that she learned how to listen and wait until others are done speaking before she speaks. She knows that once she speaks, the dynamics in the room change. Her legacy to the university is key in all she has done to build a program that began from nothing. Today it’s recognized all over the state and the nation. Thanks in huge part to Dr. Bense, the incredible archaeological discovery of the first colonial settlement known as Luna was recently found. Dr. Bense said she is the type of person who has always been good at the game and wanted to win. The fact that she is a woman is just an aside. She was a born leader and said her success is because she works hard and overcomes adversity.

Following Dr. Bense was the heartfelt storytelling of Mrs. Carol Carlin, President of Sacred Heart Foundation. She spoke of her difficult childhood and being moved around into different foster homes. Later she said that her upbringing does not define her or prohibit her from having success or reaching achievements. In fact she felt blessed to have had the experiences she did because it made her more flexible, adaptable and diverse. Carol discussed the importance of having mentors and especially being a self-mentor. She encouraged the audience to study communication assessment tools and to seek out learning opportunities whenever possible. Carol urged that we should “Be inspired to act!” She stressed the importance of being on time and being prepared. Carol shared her experiences in being involved with the John Maxwell team and how it helped shape her life. She also told us how she met a young African American boy, Ramel Price, playing violin in Belmont Arts Center while taking a downtown Pensacola walk. After hearing his beautiful music she asked he and his friend if they’d perform at a John Maxwell event in Pensacola of 10,000 attendees. Ramel said yes. At the event, Ramel and his family were surprised when Carol presented him with a music scholarship to attend Pensacola State College. Now Ramel is attending University of West Florida. You can tell that Carol is authentic and purpose-driven in how she wants to help others and pay it forward as she was helped by her music teachers and mentors. She referenced these five keys to success: positively influence others, have strong interpersonal skills, draw on personal accountability, possess self-management, and have goal achievement abilities.

The first panel of the conference included a team of powerful ladies who spoke on “Leading through Innovation.” The panel included:
– Jennifer Grove, Community Development Manager, Gulf Power Company – Moderator
– Debbie Calder, Executive VP, Greater Pensacola Operations, Navy Federal Credit Union
– Dr. Sharon Heise, Associate Director, Florida Institute for Human & Machine Cognition
– Dr. Pamela Northrup, CEO, Innovation Institute, and Senior Associate Provost, University of West Florida
– Dr. Mary Mehta, Chief Medical Officer & Pediatric Cardiologist, Nemours Children’s Clinic

Each of these women had interesting, relevant stories and tips to share with the attendees. Jennifer Grove was a great moderator for the group allowing them to share insights and encouraging the audience to participate. She was a professional and recapped the speakers perfectly. Dr. Pam Northrup encouraged us to “Listen to the drum beat” and not be afraid to follow it, even if it takes us in new directions. She later had the room laughing when she said, “Culture eats strategy for lunch,” stressing the importance of knowing the work culture and adapting to it when the usual strategies do not work. Debbie Calder said she didn’t volunteer for new tasks. She was often “voluntold” to do it by a supervisor and even though it took her out of the comfort zone, she excelled and continued to climb in her career desires. Dr. Sharon Heise said she made many plans but that “plans rarely survive contact with reality.” She also stressed the importance of diversity and multiple perspectives adding value to experiences. Dr. Mehta urged the success of working in teams, giving her experiences in helping doctors and hospital personnel find a common group and move past personal and professional differences.

Following a short break the second panel of the day began. This dynamic team had more thoughtful, helpful tips for the conference attendees. Their discussion centered around the topic “Juggling whilst climbing the mountain.” The panel included:
– Rachael Gillette, Director of Professional Development, Studer Community Institute – Moderator
– Christina Doss, Managing Director, Saltmarsh Financial Advisors
– Lisa Reese, President & Publisher, Pensacola News Journal
– Amie Remington, General Counsel, Landrum Human Resource Companies, Inc.
– Kimberly Wyatt, News Director, WEAR-TV/WFGX-TV

This panel kept the energy in the room going. Rachael Gillette delivered on her promise of moderating a top-notch group of women. Lisa Reese said she takes on more responsibilities because she views it as a window into her community. Amie Remington commented that she asks herself three questions before she considers taking on a project: Do I have time for it? Am I passionate about it? and Am I going to be good at it? She also shared how she stays grounded by committing to two simple goals every day. Kimberly Wyatt remarked that attitude defines a winner. Christina Doss suggested that it was a good thing to be that “go-to person.” She shared her story of how she asked to attend a training that her managers she was supporting was attending. They said yes and after that the office changed in her favor since she showed she was willing to learn and wanted to be on their level. All of the women said that being fearful of things is a good thing and that is a sign to take on a new challenge. In fact they all said to run toward it. The panel stressed the importance of being open to new opportunities, even ones vastly different than we can imagine. These leaders stressed the importance of having friends and making time for female relationships. Feedback – learning to give and receive was also mentioned as being critical to leadership success. Final tips included letting go of things we cannot control, learning to say no or I’ll get to you later and having employees come to you after they have exhausted ways to problem-solve the issue.

One idea that seemed to resonate with the room was the notion of creating a dream board. The speakers each said that it’s important to create a career map, to draw out a plan. However they said it’s normal and okay to veer off course, take a detour and even go backwards at times.

The final speaker was Dr. Katrice Albert, Vice President, Office for Equity and Diversity, University of Minnesota. She didn’t disappoint. In fact she heightened the enthusiasm and positive momentum in the room by bringing the whole conference together with her own “pearls of wisdom.” She told a great story of how her younger brother said the letters she wrote him mattered to him and how everything we do matters.

She offered these great leadership takeaways:
1. Know your leadership style and own it – whether it’s purpose driven, principle driven or transformational.
2. Strive for the gold standard – obtain the training you need to be successful and learn to write to become an authority figure in your field.
3. Chart your own course. Don’t wait for things to happen or for someone to hand you an opportunity. Take initiative.
4. Leaders understand the power of gratitude. Mentor others and be mentored. Lift others. We get nowhere alone.
5. Create a career plan. Map out the next course of action and move on to that next best thing.
6. Be an effective communicator. Master the art of public speaking. Master the art of technical writing. Both are important to leadership.
7. Keep your sense of humor. You’ll need it as a leader!
8. Live the notion of being true to yourself. Be authentic. Learn the things you love and love to do and indulge in them (wine, chocolate, etc. were mentioned).
9. The way you overcome being overwhelmed is to do radical self-care! Learn to liberate yourself emotionally and wind down.
Her final words were that we always have choices to make and we should “wrap our arms around” all the great thoughts that were shared in the room today.

What a fantastic event! Thanks UWF College of Business for putting this on!
Great job to coordinators Dr. Sherry Hartnett, Katina Hoffman and other COB staff who made it happen. I’m ready for 2017 already!

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Inside Out: Emotions as Teaching Tools (my speech in Toastmasters worth sharing)

I gave this speech (below) in my Toastmasters group. Actually it was credited as two speeches from the Competent Communicator Manual – with emphasis on vocal variety and visual aids. The total time it took me to deliver this speech was almost fourteen minutes. I received such great feedback from the presentation and I had such a fun time putting it all together, that I thought it was worth sharing with others. We can all learn a little bit more about emotional intelligence. I’ve learned that emotions and feelings are great teaching tools. This film, Inside Out, has been incredible for opening up my perspective to emotional outbursts that my children have. I also think about the entire world around me and the way all people behave and react. If you want me to give this speech to your group or if you wish to borrow it for your own purposes, please contact me!

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Inside Out: Emotions as Teaching Tools (Speech)

“You don’t tell me what to do!!” my oldest daughter yelled at my youngest one from the other end of the house. I was in the kitchen cleaning up and I could hear the tension build in the room even though I wasn’t in it.

A part of me wanted to go in their room and yell back. I’m admitting that I do have a tendency to react that way from time to time. But luckily I remembered the movie, Inside Out, and what it taught me instead.

Last year Disney put out this animated film (HOLD UP FILM DVD) about five characters who are emotions that live inside the head of an 11-year-old girl named Riley. The emotions are Anger, Sadness, Joy, Fear and Disgust.

Ever since I saw this film with my children, I’ve had a new perspective on our emotions. When I see outbursts or tantrums in my personal life or in the world around me, I see them as teaching tools to help us be better people.

Today I want to share my thoughts with you on how these emotions are great examples for viewing the world and achieving balance.
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Meet Anger (HOLD UP ANGER IMAGE). My daughter was angry that night when I heard her yell at her sister. Anger is the first emotion I will discuss. He’s red. Fire and steam come from his head. He has a scowl. He never smiles. He blows up, literally.

We can relate, right? We have times in our lives when we are mad, for various reasons.

In children, it might be over something like a toy being taken away. For adults it could be a traffic jam and road rage on the commute to work. (Emphasize and Act out Anger)

There’s also deeply felt anger like injustice, inequality, bullying and blaming.

What good come come from anger? Why is anger important?

Anger in children is a chance to teach them about compassion and sharing.

For adults, seeing and witnessing anger may lead to a change for the better. Think about the civil rights movement, women’s voting, the justice system. These things would have never happened if it weren’t for people and groups getting mad, taking a stand and saying, “This isn’t right. I’m not taking this anymore!!” (Say LOUDLY)

Put Anger in the room with you. Figure out why he’s there and do what needs to be done to calm him down.

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Now let’s move on to Sadness. This is Sadness (HOLD UP SADNESS IMAGE)

Sadness is blue. She’s frumpy and dumpy. She talks reeeeeaalll slooooooww! She has to be dragged around, literally, in the film. She is not motivated to do anything.

In the movie Sadness is crying or talking about a moment when she or Riley, the little girl, cried. The other characters, especially Joy, always try to suppress Sadness. They want to put her in a corner and keep her busy while they take the lead.

When others aren’t looking, Sadness is curious and begins exploring around Riley’s head. She touches core memories of Riley. This causes her and Joy to struggle and then they are sucked out into the unknown lands of Riley and have to find their way back inside the head, also known as headquarters.

What can Sadness teach us? Why is she important?

Without Sadness, we wouldn’t know or recognize Joy (HOLD UP BOOK AND FLIP BETWEEN SADNESS AND JOY IMAGES).

In everyday life, we experience some sorrow. We lose something or someone. We become hurt. We experience disappointment. We don’t get what we want.

Sadness helps us recognize love. Sadness humbles us. Sadness helps us reflect on the past so we can think ahead to the future. Sadness is important to finding true Joy.

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Joy – This is Joy (HOLD UP JOY IMAGE) In the film, Joy comes from light and laughter. She is everything good, everything we hope for. She wants everyone to get along, be happy and be comfortable.

We all want more joy in our lives. What are some images of Joy that come to mind for you? What makes you happy? (OPEN UP TO AUDIENCE)

Things that come to my mind are laughter among a group of people, seeing children swing and play at a park, that first sip of coffee paired with a slice of cheesecake. That’s joy.

In the film, Joy’s character grows the most. She learns that she cannot always be in control and shouldn’t suppress others.

What does Joy teach us? Why is she important?

We cannot be joyful all the time. It’s impossible! When we realize that, we learn to let go a little and everyone is better off. We feel all these different range of emotions that we are supposed to feel for more livelihood and growth.

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Let’s switch to Fear now. This is FEAR (HOLD UP FEAR IMAGE). Fear is a thin, purple man. He has an anxious face, nervous hands and is always in a panic. He’s worried and cautious. He wants others to be safe, especially Riley.

We all know Fear. We have felt him. Several people in this room joined our Toastmasters group because they had a fear of public speaking. (Emphasize a fearful face, look from side to side)

Other fears include things like, being in confined spaces, heights, spiders and bugs, failure.

What does Fear teach us? Why is it important?

Fear often causes us to take steps to be braver. We vow to develop our skills that will help us be less fearful, such as joining a group that will put us out of comfort zone to speak, receive feedback and give feedback to others.

Fear helps us face our weaknesses so that we can turn them into strengths. Fear forces us to be more courageous and overcome obstacles. Fear and Anger often work together to create change and movements.
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Disgust – The last emotion I want to touch upon is Disgust.

In the film, Disgust is the color green (HOLD UP DISGUST SIGN). She hates all green foods though, especially broccoli.

She has her hand out out (Show hand out) ready to protest. She often has an eyebrow raised. She warns others what is acceptable and what isn’t. She knows her likes and dislikes and feels strongly about them.

What can we learn from Disgust? Why is she important?

Disgust is what makes us unique. She helps us see what we care about — our own likes and dislikes. She helps us know ourselves better. Because of her, we determine what is funny or gross or acceptable. Disgust takes the edge off the other, more serious emotions and provides comic relief.

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CONCLUSION:

In the ending of the film, all the characters – the emotions of Anger, Sadness, Joy, Fear and Disgust learn to work together. They improve Riley’s life. They share control and don’t suppress each other. Sometimes one takes over but eventually they all get back to a sense of balanced power. They collaborate to bring out the best in one another. And as you watch the movie, you can feel these characters. You can relate to these emotions.

I learned a lot from this movie – the way people act, the way I parent, how my kids react to things, and how I see the behaviors displayed in everyday life, including in my workplace. We all feel things. We experience deep emotions. And sometimes one becomes more dominant than the others. Sometimes one emotion needs to speak up, stand out and play on until it’s ready to join the others.

I see this more clearly now and have been using this to teach my children about their feelings.

Remember that scenario I told you about earlier….when my oldest daughter was yelling at my youngest child? I went into the room with them and decided to invite other emotions to join us. This is how I handled it:

“Woah, woah woah, when did Anger step up and take control? He has spoken up and said his piece. Now let’s see if we can invite Joy back into the room.”

This is when my children stopped to stare at me in confusion. But I just continued.

“What can we do to find Joy again? Is it too soon for her? Okay, then let’s find Disgust. Let’s bring her into the room. What would it take to get her here? If one of you farts loudly right now, what that be gross enough to bring Disgust in the room? (I see a flicker of a smile start on my kids’ mouths…) What if we were to see a dead bug in the corner there or worse, if we stepped on a dead bug…. EWWW!”

Then I keep going with examples and soon my kids are laughing and smiling again. And I say, “Look Joy found us and we found her again.”

Experience your emotions. Invite them to play, and find a way to learn from them and achieve that needed balance again.

(THE END).

The Click, The Hum, The Magic

I enjoyed a lunch meeting with three other ladies on Friday. We met for work purposes but the conversation later turned to personal endeavors and lastly, one of my favorite topics: creativity.

I referenced how I recently read the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) to the group. That’s when I learned that CK had also read it, and she loves it just as much as I do! We began quoting passages from the chapters and sharing stories how we could relate. I even sent her a photocopy page from the book that I thought she’d like. As it turns out, both of us had bookmarked and underlined this page previously.

Has this ever happened to you? You click with someone. Conversation starts. You share the same sentiments. The room brightens. Your smile widens. You feel that connection. You share a kindred spirit moment with another being, even if it’s only for a short time. But it’s glorious.

I’m lucky. This has happened to me many times in my life. Not every day. Not every week. But often enough that I now recognize a special moment when it happens.

I remember the strong connection I felt to my husband when we first met. Actually I felt it before he and I even met since we wrote to each other first, and met in person a few weeks later.

I remember a special moment with my oldest daughter when I moved past the shock of being a mom, galloped past the baby stage and crawled my way out of post-par-tum blues. There was this moment when I looked over at her and felt an overwhelming sense of love and the knowledge of her being a miracle. She was two years old. (Note: Yes, I loved her the first two years but I believe she was two years old before I appreciated her. Sometimes it may take awhile to realize motherhood or parenting is right for you.)

Elizabeth Gilbert says in Big Magic that we have these spirits-creatures-muses floating above us who try to get our attention to write and create the wonderful ideas out there. I never thought about it like that. I would not have believed it true but it happened to me a year ago.

In February 2015, I had this crazy notion to write a book. I was almost too afraid to act on it. Yet something inside me told me to pursue it, to make my idea known, and to write the story. When I told the person who would accept or reject the story and he said, “Do it. Yes, go for it,” I had all the validation I needed.

Although the idea was in my head, when I sat down to write, the words didn’t come right away. The idea was floating around above me still. I needed it to go through me.

Then one very early morning while my family slept, I woke up and knew the story would come. I typed and scribbled away for an hour. The ideas were coming to life from within. Everyone around me was snoring but I was alive with some kind of divine power in me, writing and rhyming and developing a character and a plot that I hope to soon share with my whole community. It was magic.

I have had instances in my car while driving when some idea joined with my hip. Thankfully I was able to pull aside and grab my notebook and pen that I keep in my vehicle so I could write the notions down. I found a parking lot and composed until my hand went numb. Yes, this has really happened to me.

Nothing’s better than waking up after a great night of sleep and having time to create, to write. I place my feet on the carpet and boom, a title and opening paragraph is flashing across my mind before I can even turn on my computer.

This kind of magic is so empowering and exhausting. We all experience it in some shape or form. That high. That click with another person. That intervention that takes over so we can be someone else or create this amazing thing.

Shonda Rhimes, a genius writer and creator of many adoring shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder, gave an excellent TED Talk about how she had this “hum” for a long time. Her career gave her great “hum” and joy. Until one day it stopped. She couldn’t hear and didn’t feel that “hum” that made her feel good anymore. Later she found it through simple play with her children. I loved her advice on not being able to thrive in work unless there is play.

But have you ever had the magic stop? Isn’t it awful? Sometimes that connection fades. Ideas go away.

Let’s face it, no one can have a creative muse running through their veins all the time.

So that’s why when the spirits strike us, we must cherish it. When we feel them move through us, we should try to act upon them and quickly! We should take advantage of the creative abilities we are given and are capable of using.

Thanks CK for inspiring me to write this post. Thanks to all of my floating spirits and friends and loved ones who give me bursts of joy and creativity. May you find that click moment, that magical intervention and that hum that keeps you singing happily.

On Being Resourceful

The best compliment I ever remember receiving is when a roommate (or suite-mate like we called it) in college told me I was resourceful. Yes, resourceful. Not words like beautiful or sexy or kind or generous. But resourceful.

Why was (and is) this such huge flattery? Well for one thing, this praise came sometime between 1998 and 2000 (Yes, I’m showing my age a bit…) when Google wasn’t a household name and the Internet was only just starting to take off. Not everyone had it on their home or work computers yet. At the time I was called “resourceful,” I wasn’t doing internet searches to find things but rather just paying attention to clues around me for things to do, people to meet and opportunities to seek.

Does anyone remember how to just pay attention these days? To not be attached to an electronic device? How often do you see people not look at their phone as they are walking or eating in a restaurant?

Now the internet is a wonderful tool and of course I use it to find sources for my research papers, to look up my daughter’s school holiday schedule and to even find recipes for my family. But it still isn’t as rewarding as when someone provides a resource for me or I can share a helpful tip with someone else.

Just this week a colleague sent me an email saying, “I think you may be interested in attending this event.” That sure put a smile on my face. Plus she was right, the occurrence was definitely one I wanted to bookmark. The extra effort she did to share this resourceful happening meant the world to me. I try to do the same thing often for others.

I recently shared my Toastmasters meeting agenda with a client who said he wanted help with public speaking. When I met a graphic artist trying to gain more work, I later sent her two different networking group names and websites that I thought could help her.

This is what I mean by resourceful. I take a few extra minutes to share helpful details that may actually help others.

But that’s not the only way I try to be resourceful. That word takes on other meanings too. When I look up its definition now, the dictionary says this:

Resourceful – (an adjective) Having the ability to find quick and clever ways to overcome difficulties. Synonyms include ingenious, creative, clever, capable, inventive and enterprising.

In that sense, resourceful means taking on obstacles with a positive attitude. I then reflect back on times in my life when I’ve made mistakes or been faced with huge difficulties. I definitely had to dip into my resourcefulness to find ways to pull myself from a slump or bad situation. These have occurred in all aspects of my life too – personal, professional and leisure.

I use my resourcefulness to learn in different ways, to apply my imagination, to ask good questions and to take risks. Being resourceful is key to me doing all of these.

I gain ideas all the time. I don’t always act on every one but when I do, I know it’s because I’ve been resourceful and tactful with a plan and the details. I’ve not shied away from being a bit bold, especially within the past two years.

I’m proud to be resourceful and be a resource for others. I consider it one of my greatest skills and a fantastic trait to have.

People have been so thoughtful to me over the years. I’ve received many encouraging words and phrases of praise. But for my own personal tastes, the act of being called “resourceful,” is the one that sticks out in my mind.

What is the greatest compliment you ever received? What’s a word that someone used to describe you that delighted you?

You be the Judge

Yesterday I served as a judge for the University of West Florida Marks Invitational which is a speech and debate (forensics) competition where students compete in a variety of categories. I volunteered to judge one or two panels. They placed me in the dramatic interpretation contest. Other events like impromptu, humorous, and other topics were taking place at the same time.

I am not sure who was more nervous: the students competing or me as a first-time judge? A part of me wondered if the participants could see right through me? Could they tell I was a novice and smell my fear? Five students were set to present – two of them were double entries and one was a triple entry. This means that they were participating in two or three different competitions back to back. They memorized two or three different speeches and had to do them one after the other! Can you imagine? And I thought giving one Toastmasters speech per month for six months in a row was a big deal!?

These students were amazing. I did my best to keep a straight face while each one covered serious or humorous content. Each one of them did several different characters within their ten minute speech. They quoted literary authors, sang a portion of a song, discussed issues like suicide, rape, religion, and racism. I was blown away by their courage and their voices.

How do you judge and rank each one? Who deserves to be a winner? These were not easy decisions. I felt like an American Idol judge from season one. I wanted to be kind like Paula, clever like Randy but make a clear decision like Simon would.

I took notes on each person and reflected back on the performances when it was over. Finally I had to rate and rank each one…first, second, third, fourth and fifth. Which one stood out the most? Which one spoke to me or felt the most memorable? I made the choices and turned them in before I could second guess myself.

This made me think of all the times I’ve been in contests over the years, anything from writing competitions to being a candidate for an interview. I remember the excitement over winning. I remember the disappointment over losing. When it comes down to it though, one or a few people make a decision about you in a few minutes or a timed duration. They are not seeing the best or worst of you, just one small part of your story or a part you choose to play. We must give each contest our best but then move on to the next thing that challenges us and inspires us.

The students I watched definitely had a lot of inspiration, courage and stamina. I felt lucky to just be a part of it. I had to judge them but I gave them all points for showing up, performing and giving it their best.

Have you ever had to be a judge? Did you find it difficult? I have a tendency to be my own worst critic but lately I’ve been working to be my best critic as well.

Small Goals add up to Big Results

Two weeks ago I was interviewed by a colleague. This was a change for me. As a writer, I’m typically the one questioning others.

As I answered each question about a program or group I’m involved with, her face lit up with astonishment. “I cannot believe you’ve accomplished all that in a year’s time,” she commented. I shook my head like it was no big deal. After our meeting I paused to think about her words.

What had I done this past year?
-I completed a leadership program.
-I started graduate school, after a 15-year break from my undergraduate studies.
-I wrote a children’s book, which is now being illustrated.
-I formed my own networking group that meets monthly on the UWF campus.
-I gave six speeches to meet a goal in my Toastmasters group.
-I appeared on local television three times.
-I helped several groups I care about gain media coverage for their charitable efforts.
-I co-authored an end-of-life-care story with a distinguished university professor.
-I won two different writing contests.
-I had several published articles and editorials that I had pitched on my own terms.
-I celebrated 13 years of marriage and the birthdays of my eight year old and three year old.

Wow, when I laid it all out there like that, I had achieved a great deal! How did I manage all of those tasks? The answer is focus, time without distractions, research, positive peer groups, and self-determination.

Focus
I focus on a single aspiration. The goal may change hourly or daily but I keep my razor sharp focus in view. I write down what I hope to accomplish and keep it nearby as a daily important reminder.

Time without Distractions
I force myself to work during set periods without any distractions. I often write in the wee hours of the night while my two kids are sleeping. I spend lunch breaks and weekends to complete graduate school assignments. I set aside time so I can be successful.

Research
I do my homework. I research before I set a meeting, ask a question, and prepare a speech. I ensure the words I use and others say are relative and important. I seek credible sources and don’t just believe the first story or trend I hear.

Positive Peer Groups
I am energized by others’ success. I enjoy belonging to several dynamic groups that each work toward a goal. If I don’t feel the vigor in one crowd, then I leave and start my own network. I regularly seek mentors who I can learn from to enhance my skills.

Self-Determination
If peers are not available to be my cheerleaders, then I act as my own # 1 fan. I push myself to get up, do more and keep going. I find inner strength to continue working toward my purpose.

Failures have come and gone in 2015 as well. I went for several opportunities that I did not receive. I did not perform as well on certain projects as I did in others. Yet I find my silver lining. I turned a disappointing outcome into a way to meet a goal, like making my fourth Toastmasters speech on “how to deal with disappointment.”

All the small things I do add up to big results. The outcome will be a long list of accomplishments after repeated, consistent methods. I look forward to increasing my efforts in 2016.

2015: The Year I Asked

Ask and ye shall receive. Is that how the ancient saying goes? As I look back upon 2015, I realize this past year has been remarkable. For once my laundry list of achievements is more than simply folding and putting away loads of towels, light, and dark clothing. My portfolio has pages of listings worth viewing.

What has made the difference? Why did this year break down barriers for me, allowing me to thrive more professionally and personally? To summarize, 2015 was the year that I asked.

The past twelve months I asked four main questions over and over again. These inquiries caused the force to awaken in me.

1. Ask to be mentored.
After feeling stagnant for a long period, I devoted efforts to finding mentors. I looked around at the resources and people in my network. Who did I want to meet? Who is doing the type of outreach that I want to do as well? Once I determined that, I wrote emails, made phone calls, and showed up at events where I could bump into those professionals I wished to emulate. Some mentors responded within the same day of me writing him or her. Others took over two months to respond back. I did not let the lapsed time discourage me. I scheduled a meeting or lunch with anyone who could teach me. Each person added value, even if the outcome led to a disappointment or painstaking lesson.

2. Ask for forgiveness.
I fell behind in a duty. My budget reporting went off schedule. I messed up and could have offered several excuses. Instead I admitted my mistake right away. I asked for forgiveness and for direct training to help me through the fiscal requirements. Within a week, I received the training I needed and fixed the financial errors. Feeling relieved and grateful from the experience, I then took the lesson into my personal life. After a long family feud and period of silence, I asked several relatives I had wronged to forgive me. I admitted I had acted foolishly in the past but was ready to move on and reconnect. Luckily, those people gave me a second chance as well. We make blunders. Ask for a pardon and perform better the next round. Forgive yourself and move on. There is more vital work to be done.

3. Ask for time off.
Vacation all I ever wanted. Vacation had to get away. I can picture the Go-Go’s singing and skiing in their 1982 music video. Yet that’s not the type of time off I took in 2015. In fact I didn’t even take a full week off from work this year. Instead I took many half-days. I came in two hours later or left two hours earlier. My husband and I scheduled day-dates and spent our time eating out, seeing a movie, and just generally enjoying each other’s company while our children were in school or day care. I obtained my kid’s special events school calendar earlier this year so I could take off for the Turkey Trot, Veteran’s Day Program and other special parties. I even took hours to myself. On several occasions I told no one my plans for sitting inside a coffee shop so I could read a book, people-watch, and simply enjoy the peace. These short mental health days really helped me throughout the year. Each mini break fueled me to be ready for the next task.

4. Ask how to help.
Once I found mentors, forgave myself for oversights, and took regular, short retreats, I had the energy and determination to help others. I could stop looking inward and focus externally with clearer eyes. So many others need assistance. How could I help? That was the question I began to ask those around me. As I heard colleagues, friends or even strangers pose a challenge or reveal a hardship, I asked what I could to do aid the situation. In some cases, I could provide a solution or formulate a plan. Other times, just offering support made the individual feel better. Help can come in so many ways – time, a meal, a conversation, or a monetary donation. Look around. Find a way to give back.

What will I ask for in 2016? Oh the endless possibilities exist… I do not have the questions written down yet. I believe they will come to me as time unfolds. My only goal is to continue asking. I receive far more than I hoped for when I do.