Be a Better, More Successful Partner

During an employee conference break last week, I noticed I had voicemail blinking on my cell phone. I listened to the message. It said the following:

“Thank you again for all the help you’ve given me with this project of ours. I took your words and thoughts into account. You made my story better. You’ve really improved it and I just wanted to tell you that…”

Those very kind words were made by my writing project partner (and co-author), S.R. Her phone call to me immediately brought a smile to my face. Ms. S.R. lives in Texas. We have never met but we were paired up together for a special writing assignment. My role was to help her tell an important story, to act as an editor and co-writer for her personal, emotional experience. That story, along with others, is set to be published by Oxford Press in 2017. I listened to her message to me three times. What a thoughtful gesture!

Since then I have been reflecting on the recent and long-term partners in my life, from my 13-year successful marriage to my current, short-term graduate school class partner projects. What makes for a good partnership? Whether in business, education, personal setting or the workplace, we are all paired up with people. In some instances, we can choose our partners (marriage, friendship, some class projects). In other cases, we have no choice (work, school, etc.).

Here are eight tips that have been instrumental to me in my triumphant partnerships. These are 8 ways to have better partner success and achieve a more valuable outcome:

1. Determine the goal in the beginning and keep that objective in mind throughout the duration of the partnership.
My husband and I created a bucket list just a few short years into our marriage. What did we both want? What would make us happy, besides each other? When I work on a graduate school project, I think in the same terms. What is the goal of the assignment? To get an “A” sure, but what else? What do I need to apply and what lessons can I learn or share during the task? In business, what is the short term and long term goals? Increase sales? Gain new clients? Have these discussions with your partner right away so everyone can remain on track to achieving the goals.

2. Prioritize the work – the needs and the wants.
What needs to happen? What do you want to happen? There is a distinction. How can you and your partner work together to incorporate desires with the essentials? Create a timeline. Set due dates for the goals you want to achieve but be flexible when and if you can. Communicate often as the needs and wants change over time.

3. Be strong when the other is weak. Take up the slack.
Not every person will put forth 100% all of the time. Your partner may be dealing with other issues. When your partner is doing everything she or he can be doing, step up. Take the lead. If you show effort and that you won’t let the partnership or project fail, your partner may come around and join you. Try not to take it personal. Sometimes others need to be taught how to be effective, how to care and how to be diligent. Show the other person how to do that and see if they will follow suit. I found this especially important in marriage and friendships. One person may often need a break before burnout occurs. Give that person a chance to regroup and then prompt him or her to jump in again.

4. Realize that others may not take it as seriously as you.
This is a hard lesson to learn but it is an important one. If you’re part of a business project or class assignment, you may find someone isn’t putting forth the same amount of time and effort that you are doing. If you don’t have a choice, you just have to stumble through it. Be the better person and do what needs to be done. The partner may not care as much as you do about receiving that “A” or that success. You are still part of a team and it’s still up to someone to carry the team when others cannot or will not make the effort. Keep in mind that the partnership may be temporary and that you may have the opportunity to have a different partner later.

5. Let someone choose you.
In my most recent class, I had two different classmates choose me to partner for a paper swap and a case study project. Before I could look around the room and try to pick someone on my own, I had an individual turn to me and ask, “Want to be partners?” I graciously accepted. I was flattered and saw it as an opportunity to collaborate. In one case, I see me doing more to help the other person. That’s okay. It’s teaching me valuable lessons about myself and my role. In the other instance, I know the person helped me out far more than I was able to help her. There will be a give and take and not always a balance. (See Point # 3)

6. If your partner drives you crazy…
If it’s a situation where you did not choose your partner and that person is driving you crazy, take a step back. Take a few breaths and pause. What is it about the person that is making you bonkers? Is the person passionate but going about it in a different way? Go back to Point # 1. What is the goal or main objective? Then follow Point # 2. Prioritize. If you can think in these terms, of getting the work done, rather than letting personal differences get in the way, everyone will be better and the goal can be achieved. In addition, a change of scenery is always a good option too. Join the partner for coffee or lunch or dessert. Step away from the project duties and have a laugh or two!

7. If your partner is absent…
What about if the partner you are paired with is just unresponsive? What if she or he just isn’t communicating at all? Every case may need to be handled differently. Perhaps even a supervisor may need to get involved. But before you dive into that awkward situation, have you done your part? Have you outlined the project? Have you set the goals, recognized the deadlines and made at least three attempts to communicate with the other person? And not just a text message? Did you phone, email and even try to show up in person to see the partner (if feasible)? Make sure you’ve done your part and made all attempts to communicate first. Then follow Point # 3. Take up the slack. Keep in mind Point # 4. Others may not be as serious as you are about the goal and sometimes that is okay and you cannot change a mindset. Put forth your best effort and keep the communication lines open.

8. Don’t give up! Continue to problem-solve.
The last tip I have is the most vital one in any partnership. Don’t give up! Have you done everything you possibly can do to make the goal work? Have you problem-solved creatively to find a solution? Can you bring in another person as a mediator to offer a new perspective? Every partnership will hit bumps in the road. Nothing is always perfect or easy. The struggles will help you appreciate the end results. Or they will at least teach you about your own versatility.

———-
Good luck in all the partnerships you have in your life. Choose your pair wisely or make the best of who you may be matched with at various stages and ages throughout existence.

My Studies (Will) Take Me Longer

I spent five hours writing and editing a 2-page critical analysis this weekend. Prior to that, I researched material on and off during a period of four weekends. As I type this and read my words aloud, I feel a bit ridiculous. Yes, it really has taken me this long to do a simple homework assignment.

To compose a one-page proposal a few weeks ago, I spent about four hours writing and formatting the paper. I agonized over how to structure my layout and weave my main points into the piece.

I write and edit. I add and remove. I reread and tweak it. This is an ongoing process.

Therefore, I am admitting here and now: my graduate studies take me a long time! They take me (and will take me) longer than the average or younger graduate student to complete. I cannot wait until the last minute to begin a paper. I can’t pull an “all-nighter” the way other students can complete. I need, and most certainly prefer, an early start to my projects.

Graduate school is going to take me three or four years to finish. My current cohort will be receiving their degrees in half the time it takes me to walk across the stage. I may even go through two or three cohort groups.

But hey, that’s okay… I am coming to terms with this fact and even learning to embrace it.

I’m often the older, slower one in class but I’m still doing the work. Being in school while working and raising a young family is hard! In fact, it is very challenging! But I want to do this. I want to attain this advanced degree. It requires a lot of my spare moments but my performance is on target. So far, I’m receiving A’s or collecting all points on each task.

I take school seriously. I want to do well. The reading, writing and research takes me an extended amount of time. I spend more endless hours than perhaps I even need to but it’s just who I am and my nature. I want to apply what I’m learning to real life. I want to gain knowledge and real value from my education.

My homework takes me longer. Graduate school will take me twice as long as most students. But hopefully the experiences, my determination and the outcome will provide greater, more lasting effects.

Planning, Priorities and Pancakes for Dinner

Now that I’m over a month into my fall semester of graduate school, I’m beginning to feel the pressure and anxiety that goes along with homework reading and assignments. Add to that my work and family obligations. Specifically I’m thinking about my daughter’s second grade learning, her extracurricular activities, my family meals to plan, an upcoming birthday celebration, two papers I must write, two presentations I must give and holiday gatherings and…. Well, you can see why my head is starting to spin.

On Wednesday night, I received a text message from my daughter’s teacher around 7:00 p.m. reminding me about parent-teacher conferences the next day, Thursday, October 1. Wait, what? I had it written down for Friday. Surely she was mistaken…

No, she wasn’t. That was me. I wrote down the appointment on the wrong date. I wanted to scream. This was the second time last week something like this happened.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Take a step back. Stretch.

Whew! I’m okay.

That’s what I said to myself. After a few minutes (or hours), I believed it.

What was happening to my ability to plan? I used to be so organized. I had a lot to juggle but I’ve managed before.

What did I need to do today versus tomorrow versus next week? I had to start up my list again and prioritize.

A friend told me about a planner she bought to help keep her hectic family schedule on track. I decided to look into one for myself. I also thought about how I felt frumpy and unprepared going to meetings with various folders, papers and books while using older tote bags or conference purses I had in the back of my closet. So I spent some money to purchase a professional-looking briefcase bag that can hold all my work items and didn’t make me look like I was carrying an out-dated diaper bag.

Those two purchases alone cheered me up, almost instantly. If I spent the extra dollars, then I would use the items to my advantage. They should help me keep my important things and my calendar all in one place (and no, I don’t want to use my phone as my life planner).

On Saturday I had intended to complete a lot of homework so I could have fun and relax on Sunday. Well, that didn’t happen. Instead my girls and I went have hair cuts. I colored mine as well since the gray roots were showing. Next I grabbed coffee and spent a half-hour people watching. Later I visited the farmers market and a neighbor who sells fresh eggs. The weather turned cooler and it was so nice outside. So that evening I begged my husband to grill burgers for dinner. Since he’s amazing and I’m convincing, he obliged me. While he cooked, I played outside with my girls, pushing them on the swings. That night I suggested a family movie we could all watch. There went the entire day…no school work accomplished. Oh well, there is always Sunday.

So, on Sunday I woke up and performed a yoga routine. After that the family decided that they wanted to go out for breakfast. I was able to squeeze in reading of my class’s book chapter in the car and while waiting for our food to arrive at the restaurant. Following that we did shoe shopping for our daughters. My seven year old had holes in the bottom of her shoes and she really needed a new pair. Luckily after two stores, we found a perfect fit for her.

By the time I arrived home, it was after 11 o’clock. Okay, time to focus on school work. What did I need to do before my next class? I had a proposal to write. I had a rough draft. Now I needed to formalize it and find a case study to coincide with it.

The hard part was planting my butt into that desk chair for a solid two hours to accomplish this task. The challenge was to not let myself become distracted by other things, like social media or my daughters playing outside or a stack of laundry I hadn’t folded yet or four spaghetti-squash sitting in the oven cooled, not yet cooked.

But I did it. I completed the proposal, read through it several times and felt good about the results. I needed to read one more chapter by Tuesday but I could break up that reading over the next three days.

I finished the important class work that had to be done. Then I realized I had other duties I wanted to fulfill before the weekend ended…one more meal to cook, a jog around the neighborhood and a blog post (this one) to write.

I remind myself that I cannot do it all, especially not within one day or a weekend. Often when I look at the list of ten things I need to finish, I become overwhelmed and frustrated. But if I step back, breath or force my butt into a chair for designated time frame, I can complete that small thing and then move on after that.

I’m also trying to say “yes” more to my kids, especially when they make small, simple requests. Two nights ago, my oldest daughter asked me to make pancakes for dinner. Sure, why not? I said. I could not think of one reason I should not consider her reasonable plea. Pancakes are easy and quick to make. I had all the ingredients. I create them using a healthy method. I knew both kids would eat every last bite of them instead of me coaxing them through a meal of chicken and vegetables.

An hour ago my children asked me to paint. Painting can be messy. This is an activity we parents want to encourage but truthfully, we hate to clean up after. But I said yes. I sent them outside since it’s a beautiful, cool fall day to let them make a mess all over the patio. After all the paint can be easily washed down…just like them in the shower.

Are you like me – lost in the busy-ness of it all? So what can we do? What can we say yes to? Try saying yes to the planning – because it will make your life easier. Say yes to determining the priorities. This will keep us on track and help us reach our goals. Then by all means, say yes to pancakes for dinner, maybe even once a week.

By doing those three things, I was able to sit and type up this blog post to share. I am also able to keep my sanity while having some fun despite the total chaos that I often let creep in.

Give me Criticism so I can be Better!

I had a revelation recently about criticism. Last week during a meeting with my book illustrator, I realized my change in attitude over helpful feedback. He showed me his initial sketches that are bringing my words to life (which I absolutely love!) However, on one page, I had too many things happening in the story. Within four lines I had so much detail packed that he could not convey the art to match the tale.

The artist appeared to be very cautious about how he told me his suggestion. I think he was trying to ‘soften the blow’ to not upset my ego. But I found my eyes lighting up instead. I was eager to embrace his critical comments. After he said that and I read my words again, I knew he was right. Indeed I was trying to say too much and needed to trim down. If we adults can’t follow the story or convey the artistic message, how will children (my target audience) follow and understand it?

After we talked, I told him to please tell me other instances where he encounters the same thing in my work. I urged this colleague to share any tips he has to help me improve the story. I know this one page will not be the last that needs help with transition and more concise content.

I actually enjoyed having a fresh perspective look at my writing. He reviewed my creativity from a whole new angle that I needed to hear. That criticism would help enhance the book. It would also help stretch me as a writer.

I then thought back to an article I wrote two weeks ago. My client had several revisions to the news piece I composed. With each new revision, the story sounded clearer and more articulate. We corresponded back and forth a half dozen times before the approval came in. Only on that last occasion of edits did the best possible article emerge. We had to push through multiple edits to share the intended, important message.

The criticism applies to more than just my writing. I’ve also accepted it favorably into my personal life. I’ve taken feedback easier from my family.

A month ago I came home from work complaining and groaning to my husband about the difficulties I faced on a particular day. I went on about the interruptions, lack of a procedure and non-proactive attitude of others. My husband let me vent for a few minutes. Then he quickly pointed out his work day in comparison. He shared with me his larger team challenges and the much higher budget concerns he faces. He then reminded me about those people who are unemployed and only wish they had a job to complain about when they are home like us. His realistic comments may seem harsh but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I listened to his sound advice. “You’re right,” I finally said. He was.

We then talked about ways I could improve the employment situation. He had some great suggestions for problem solving. I even had a few tips for him.

If I stopped to think about my situation more openly and thoughtfully, I would realize that the criticism can be helpful. I can be more accepting and appreciative.

Years ago I would have never been so welcome to open the door to criticism. I would have groaned or rolled my eyes at it actually. My younger, more ignorant self wanted to do everything right. She wanted all things to be perfect or to handle things correctly on the first try.

But reality does not work that way. We must embrace the faults and cracks within ourselves, within others and in any situation.

I now hold open the door for criticism. I leave a window open to let criticism breeze in. I want her to sit down and talk with me. I know she has words that should not be ignored, especially the helpful recommendations that truly push me to be a better writer, communicator, employee, friend, mother, wife and overall person.

So come on in criticism… Tell me what I can do better. Help me broaden my mind. Share with me how you think I can add to the story or experience. Point out my mistakes so I can learn and grow from them. Tell me what works and why that appeals to you or why it does not grab you. I want to know.

Because that will make me even better. And I want to be the best version of myself possible.

Expect for your Mind to be Blown

The phrase, “Expect for your Mind to be Blown,” were the words that stuck within my head after an all-day graduate studies workshop on Saturday. This was my biggest takeaway from the session. Our day was filled with paper writing tips, examples on APA style, open discussion with other students and professors in the program but those words on being blown away is what resonated with me most.

Our director of the communications graduate program, Dr. Athena du’ Pre, said them. Quickly after she added, “but that’s okay.” Her words meant that we students are going to (and supposed to) feel overwhelmed, confused, misunderstood and even ignorant in our upcoming classes. That’s why we are there – to learn, expand our minds, be challenged and grow!

Oh good, because within minutes of my first class for the semester, looking over the syllabus in Strategic Communications caused my brain to shatter into bits. I felt inadequate listening to the kids in my class introduce themselves. My heart felt trampled on as I heard how this student went on a mission trip and another student knows her precise career goals after graduation. I was worrying over how to clean my minivan and explain to my second grade daughter how to solve that math equation on top of being able to read chapters, compose a paper and conduct a living case study.

My mind was definitely being blown away. I had only dipped one toe into the graduate pool and I was already seeing images of myself drowning.

“Don’t be a freaker,” Dr. du ‘Pre later cautioned. Don’t panic at every turn. Was she reading my mind? “How we handle our stress and criticism is what defines our character. As professors, we remember students’ character over time, not what he or she received on tests or quizzes,” she added.

She reminded us all that understanding the material and being able to discuss it then apply it in life or work is far more important than the final grade. I know this. I reminded that to the small, negative voice trying to rise up inside my head.

I later thought back to ten years prior… The day I sat in the workshop was the ten-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. When I remember the kind of person I was at that time, I was definitely a ‘freaker.” I did not handle the crisis of that storm well at certain points when we were temporarily living in Slidell, Louisiana. If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to calm down and just do the job. I’d remind me to be more sensitive and supportive to those around. I’d say to naive Mandy to just “work hard” and “be kind” — success will come. Those are Dr. du ‘Pre’s habits to being an effective leader.

I can’t turn back the time though. Worrying too much about the future is rather pointless too. I will focus on today, on this moment, one task that needs my attention. I will apply my past mistakes to the professional and personal aspirations I have.

I will leap, even without faith. I will jump into that deep end of the pool. Even though I wonder if I can stay afloat, I know eventually I’ll be able to swim around in style, in my own time. I will stretch my legs. I will detour when I need to do so. Most of all, I will be blown away and those pieces, somehow, will carry me forward.

(And if I’m a fool or a dork along the way, then so be it…)

UWF Grad School-day1

Apply Science of Inside Out Film to Children and Self when Needed

When I witnessed my seven year old yell at her younger sister during a routine bath, I blurted these words out: “When did Anger take control of you? Can we try to find Joy again?”

I could not help myself. The summer release of the Disney Pixar film Inside Out has caused my brain to put a lot more thought into my children’s emotional breakdowns and mood swings.

The movie may be designed to entertain kids but I was taking parenting notes throughout the scenes. In fact I often reference the characters (emotions) of Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Fear and Anger that were living inside eleven-year old Riley’s head.

“You don’t tell me what to do!” my oldest daughter said sharply. Her irritated tone nearly escalated my inner anger persona to take control. But I managed to calm myself down and thought carefully for a moment. Rather than scold her, I wanted to distract her and make her laugh.

“What can I do to make Disgust appear? I’d rather see her than Anger,” I said smiling.

My daughter almost cracked a smile back but not quite.

“Should I look for a dead bug or should we wait until your sister farts? That will bring Disgust into control,” I continued.

Finally my daughter giggled and showed her crooked teeth. She had found her joy again.

At that moment, during that night, my film references worked to bring my daughter’s mood into a stable, peaceful place again. However, I know this will not always be the case. I have a long road ahead of me, especially with a feisty three year old staring at both of us as we discussed the characters.

I was not surprised to learn that the Inside Out writer-director Peter Docter based the idea for the movie on his real-life daughter named Elie. He revealed that Elie suffered from extreme emotional outbursts at age eleven and that sparked his research into what later became this film.

I can sympathize with Docter. I have two daughters, ages 7 and 3. They are rather dramatic at their current stage. They may be quite a few years from being teenagers but part of me is already afraid of their future hormonal changes.

Like Riley, I can understand the loss and fear of moving to a new place. Our family moved several times, and several states, between 2005 and 2009 before we settled in northwest Florida. Shifting to a new community and starting over again brought forth all of those emotional characters in the film for me. Sadness, fear, anger, disgust and joy often took control of me throughout the day when I was trying to navigate down new roads, make new friends and raise a toddler. At times, it was difficult but like the movie portrayed, you must let each emotion play out. We cannot suppress them.

The best lesson conveyed in the film was that moments of sadness can eventually lead to joy. Both emotions can work together to create a balance in life. From our darkest moments, we can find hope. Fear can lead to bravery and empowerment. Anger can create change for the better. All of these feelings are important and needed in our existence.

As parents, children and humans, we will all have moments when we lose our temper, shout, cry, laugh or retreat. This is what makes us human. This is what makes us unique and special. We just have to let our passions come forward and take control when needed. We must recognize that our “insides” will come outside to play so we can cultivate.

Talk to Children Early about Consent and Sex, my editorial in the Pensacola News Journal and AL.com

July has been an excellent writing month for me. I am once again appearing in the Pensacola News Journal for an editorial I wrote on encouraging parents to talk to children early about sex, consent and inappropriate behavior. The story also appeared in the Alabama online news media too. I’m thrilled that attention to this issue is being spread. I hope it helps parents and makes them think about situations and how to best prepare their kids for being safe.

Here is the full article pasted below:

Does your 7-year-old child know about sex, consent and assault behavior? Mine does. She may not know those exact terms but hopefully she understands the general concepts of what they mean and what is appropriate from our family’s standpoint.

I have spoken with my oldest daughter several times on these difficult topics. I do not particularly enjoy these conversations but I deem them necessary, especially in a world filled with sexual assault and abuse allegations. Even before news stories surrounding people like Josh Duggar and Bill Cosby came out, I had these “special talks” with my kid. I told my daughter that only “mommy, daddy and a trained doctor or medical professional who’s in the room with your parents” are allowed to feel her in or around her private areas. I also explained how we can only touch her in certain ways for health reasons.

The latest celebrity media alerts didn’t spark me to initiate these talks, however. They just reinforced them further. No, I began a dialogue after I served one day of jury duty in the Escambia County courts system last year. I was nearly picked for a case involving sexual abuse of a child the same age as my daughter. After that eye-opening experience, I knew I needed to speak to her on consent and acceptable behavior.

Then I thought back to two sexually inappropriate times that occurred in my life as a child when I was too naïve to see or understand them. In fact, I was well into my 20s before I remembered the occasions with disgust. Both incidents occurred in places people would consider safe.

One was in the doctor’s office with my male physician. He stood too close to me during a visit and repeatedly pressed his genitals close to my legs. My mom was in the room, but she did not notice. I never spoke up about it. I didn’t realize until I was much older that this act was odd and improper. That physician has long since retired.

The second occurred at my church in the middle of a preacher’s sermon. This male attendee sat behind us nearly every Sunday. For months this grown man tried to play “footsie” with me under the pew. I was 11. Reflecting back, I truly thought this man was goofy or trying to be funny. It wasn’t until I was more mature that I understood what he was doing and the wrongness of his actions.

Thankfully no harm was caused to me during or after these minor incidents. I am fortunate that no implications or long-term effects ever occurred.

Still this proves that sexual behavior and inappropriateness can happen to anyone, anywhere at any time. Exposure to sexual curiosity and behavior are bound to occur at younger ages than parents or people realize. I do not want my children to be trusting and ignorant like I was in my youth. I cannot assume that they can or will remain innocent.

Have that talk with your children. Help them understand the boundaries. Let them know they have the right to speak up and should feel comfortable doing so.

The earlier you speak to your children about sex and sexually acceptable behaviors, the better off they will be in making safe, informed decisions. We cannot wait until middle school or college to educate our youth on consent. If we do, an inappropriate act, even a small one, may have already happened to them, just like it had for me.

Three Ways to be a Great Public Relations Professional

I attended the Florida Public Relations Association (FPRA) Pensacola Chapter Annual Media Panel on July 16, 2015. Six local media professionals spoke about public relations culture, evolving technology changes, social media usage and best PR practices.

The panel included Andrew McKay of News Radio 1620 AM, Auriette Lindsey of WEAR TV, Brent Lane of Cat Country 98.7 FM, Tom Ninestine of Pensacola News Journal, Shannon Nickinson of Pensacola Today and Josh Newby of Ballinger Publishing. Over 60 people, members of FRPA and community guests, attended this event.

The three main takeaways I gained from this panel for public relations professional success were:

1. Adapt
2. Know the facts
3. Respond well with passion

Adapt
All members of the PR expert panel agreed that professionals working in public relations must adapt to the changing technological world we live in. Each shared their evolving experiences from working in the media over the years.

Shannon Nickinson, Editor of Pensacola Today, remarked how devices have changed since her early days in journalism. “We must adapt to how we deliver the news. Today we watch streaming videos. We read headlines on our phones. The story telling experience has changed greatly.”

Tom Ninestine, Opinions Page Editor of the Pensacola News Journal, commented, “Our readership is more digital than it used to be but we’re fortunate to still have a core of print based readers in our community. Circulation is up and we still have advertisers in our paper.”

Brent Lane, Morning Show Personality at Cat Country 98.7 FM, shared his early career experience of going from hundreds of radio station companies to his industry only having three major corporations now. He said, “We are fortunate in Pensacola to be part of an independent, locally owned radio station like Cat Country.”

Josh Newby, Editor of Ballinger Publishing, recommended that public relations professionals use social media sensibly. He suggested PR folks to “have a hook” and “know (their) audience” in order to “break through all the noise” that becomes information overload on social media sites.

Andrew McKay, Talk Host of 1620 AM, mentioned two local popular news stories that made national headlines this week: the Pensacola Blues Angels flyby video and the lightning storm at the Blue Wahoos stadium. Because of shares on social media sites like Facebook, McKay said these videos became countrywide news.

Auriette Lindsey, Producer at WEAR TV, revealed that television guests and stories often come easier to her station now because of instant responses on sites like Facebook. She added that new segments spring from a Facebook post as information is shared.

Panel members then discussed the advantages of actively participating on social media sites. Lane referenced the “What’s Trending” side bars on Facebook as a tool to gain ideas for news and radio segments. Newby advised that Facebook is a two-way communications and public relation professionals can work to engage audience in a conversation. McKay revealed that he uses Facebook as a way to contact people in an easier, more effective manner.

Know the Facts
For agencies to gain the trust of PR professionals, their representatives must know the facts and be able to share them on command. Panel members offered their best practice tips for public relation workers in the room.

Nickinson said she wants to work with PR people who are “responsive, easy to find, know their subject matter and can make their stories stand out.” She recapped the facts of journalism, reminding listeners that the “who, what, when, where, why and how will always be important.”

Lane added, “We want accurate, relevant news to share with our audience.”

Lindsey detailed that two types of stories exist: a “nuts and bolts” story that tells the facts and a more “in-depth” public relations piece that goes into detail on something that makes a difference. PR professionals must learn the difference and use each to their benefit.

Ninestine commented that communication is a two-way street between media groups and public relation professionals. “We want to share your news but we must be fair and tell the truth.” He advised that PR people know the deadlines of their media and follow them for enhanced coverage.

Respond well with passion
Nickinson suggested that professionals “coach up” their staff as needed when it comes to communicating more effectively with the media.

Lane added, “Don’t put your organization’s board member on the radio or place them on camera if they don’t speak well. Send us a passionate, determined individual that will engage the listeners.”

Lindsey suggested that if a business or organization leader will be on camera, then she or he should “speak in sound bites.” For television segments, participants being interviewed should talk concisely and keep responses to fifteen seconds or less.

Panel members shared comments on bad news as well. They told participants that news won’t always be good and that’s okay. Ninestine reminded audience members that when those times occur, the bad news isn’t personal.

McKay pointed out that media groups like 1620 AM want “to know all sides of the story. Even if we don’t side with you, contact us again for a follow-up.” Ask to reengage the issue.

Responding in a timely manner is important, even if an incident involves a mistake or story that an agency does not want to reveal. Ninestine said he does not like to print “not available for comment” in the newspaper but when calls aren’t returned and statements are not given, the PNJ will do that.

Lane mentioned, “We are all relationship people” to the PR professionals in the room. He added, “I want to be a resource for you and you want to be a resource for me” so communicating with each other even in crisis times is vital.

The panel closed by opening up the floor to questions from audience members. Participants inquired about media deadlines for submitting materials and briefly discussed the future of print media.

What’s Ahead?
I left this event feeling competent in my current public relations abilities. I have adapted throughout my career. I take time to learn the facts before sharing or writing them. I prepare in advance so I can respond well. Nearly everything I do involves passion, especially when it comes to my writing. So I have the three best practices covered.

I had already interacted with most of the media group there both for my professional job and my freelance work I perform on the side. I have successfully pitched ideas and news stories that gained attention for both my employer and for myself. I am already a sharp PR professional but with these three tips and reminders, I will enhance my success even more.

What to do when children say, ‘I’m Bored’ – my feature in the Northwest Florida Daily News

I was featured in the Sunday, July 12, 2015 lifestyle section of the Northwest Florida Daily newspaper for this piece I wrote on dealing with children who say they are “bored.” This was inspired by actual events and real conversation. Below is the full article. I’m placing it here since the newspaper did not publish it online.

“Mommy, I’m bored!” my seven year old daughter uttered in an exaggerated tone. This was only one week after school had closed for the summer.

I glanced at the clock. The time was not even 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday. This was the second week in June of our summer vacation. Already my oldest daughter was complaining. I looked around the house. She had toys and games strewn all over the floor and even poking out the sofa and beneath the beds.

I had to count to three and take a deep breath so I would not lose it. What should I do for my privileged, lucky child and her younger sibling?

“Go grab a sheet of paper and a pen,” I said to her.

“Can’t I just watch TV or play my Minecraft game?” she pleaded.

“No,” I replied. “Grab two sheets of paper.” I said firmly.

I calmed myself down from disgust. I wasn’t sure what I’d have her do with those sheets of paper.

Write lines for me? No, I’m not a teacher and she is not punished.

Compose spelling words? Practice addition and subtraction? No, we both needed a break from schoolwork.

Finally the idea came to me. I did not have to figure out how to prevent my kid’s boredom. She can do that for herself.

She sat at the kitchen table with her supplies waiting for my instructions. My daughter did not look thrilled.

I reassured myself I was doing the right thing. Then I spoke to my child in a rational voice.

“You and your sister have no reason to feel bored,” I said to her. “You have a room full of games, books, activities and toys. You have an imagination. You have a backyard. I want you to use these sheets of paper to make a list of activities to do so you will not be bored again. Fill this sheet with your ideas. Then bring it to me to review.”

She whined and protested a bit. I ignored her and continued on with my thoughts.
“When you’re done, cut out the list of suggestions. We will find a place to keep them, probably inside a container. Then anytime you feel there is nothing to do, you will pull an idea from there.”

“Do I have to?” she asked as a last resort.

I told her I could make her list for her but that she would not like my ideas. Suggestions that came to my mind were folding laundry, taking out the trash, cleaning bathroom mirrors and more.

“Okay, I’ll start my list,” my daughter agreed.

She spent a half-hour composing her initiatives. After she was finished, she handed me the list. Her ideas were book reading, playing with stuffed animals, putting together puzzles, and more than a dozen other games or activities. I was pleased with her list and suggested just a handful more that she could include.

My daughter cut out her list. We then folded up the small sheets of paper and placed them in a plastic container to keep on the table.

Not long after that her attitude changed. By involving her in the activity process, she seemed excited to pull from the activity box to see what she could do. The first strip of paper said, “play with stuffed animals.” So she and her sister went off to their room to locate all thirty or more of their toys, including some that were stuck beneath the couch, to have some imaginary role playing with them.

An hour and a half later, my girls finally stopped playing and asked for a snack. I call that a success.

Enjoy your summer. I know I am. I haven’t heard my oldest daughter say she was bored since then.

My Feature in Pensacola Today: 10 Minutes of Virtual Dementia Leaves a Lasting Impression

This is a feature (below) that I wrote about attending a virtual dementia tour on June 26, 2015. It appeared in Pensacola Today on July 6, 2015.

10 Minutes of Virtual Dementia Leaves a Lasting Impression

A colleague invited me to attend the University of West Florida Center on Aging’s “Art Across the Ages” event on June 26.

Part of the event included a simulator of what it feels like to be a patient with Alzheimer’s disease.

This “Virtual Dementia Tour” was coordinated by Covenant Alzheimer’s Services in Pensacola, a partner with UWF Center on Aging. The tour was founded by P.K. Beville and is part of Second Wind Dreams, an international, nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the perception of aging.

I signed up for the tour because of the way dementia has touched my life. My two grandmothers were believed to have had dementia. My parents and in-laws are aging, and I wanted to know the signs of Alzheimer’s disease to be alert for. I also recently completed a health communications class at UWF that piqued my curiosity about the care of senior citizens.

I felt nervous in the orientation room before I even began.

First I had to take off my shoes and put clear, spiky inserts in them. When I stood up, I felt like I was walking on toothpicks beneath my feet.

Next I had to put on two sets of gloves, a plastic pair followed by a thicker pair. Immediately I could feel the blood flow leaving my hands and the prickly feeling of numbness set in.

I had to wear goggles that distorted my vision. I could barely focus. When I did manage to zone in, a black circle obstructed most of my view.

Finally, I had to wear earphones that blared muffled voices, car chasing sounds, sirens, and other sounds I had trouble understanding.

A volunteer led me to another room where the dementia simulation took place. The young man spoke to me. I assume he was trying to prepare me for what was ahead or give me specific instructions. However, I could not hear him clearly nor see him in focus to read his lips. So I walked half-blindly into the room.

I could make out the outlines of objects — chairs, tables, linens and other things. I tried to peer around but it was difficult to see and read words on the wall. As I was walking around, my feet began to hurt from those spiky inserts. I was soon startled by loud noises coming through my earphones, including an ambulance shrieking and a door slamming which made me spill water.

As I attempted to grab objects on the table, I had complications using my hands and folding my fingers. The double layer of gloves prohibited me from good mobility. The lights in the room would flash at times, taking me back to my short years of visiting music clubs in my early twenties.

Is this what it is like daily for patients experiencing dementia? Pain, sensory overload, inability to see clearly, loud noises, trouble with walking, using hands and even moving around? For many of them, yes this is how they live. That is the point of this virtual experience.

The tour lasted 10 minutes but it felt like a half-hour. Two hours after my drill I still had ringing in my ears and a slight headache. In fact I had lingering moments of that dementia “hangover” well into the night.

For many dementia patients, however, that is life. All day. Every day.
Until we’ve walked into a patient’s shoes, virtual ones or otherwise, we cannot grasp the daunting daily routine a dementia patient faces.

Beville advises simple steps to help dementia patients and their caregivers build a safe, healthy environment:

— Give them more time for tasks.

— Minimize noises.

— Repeat instructions.

— Treat concerns as a learning tool.

— Allow repetition.

That tour experience will stay with this 36-year-old for a long time to come, making me more sensitive to those suffering with these physical and mental symptoms in the future.