Excuse Me While I Fall Apart

Please excuse me while I fall apart. Don’t mind me. I’m just having a bad day, a terrible week and an even worse month.

The kids are sick again. I have to call into work again. I haven’t slept much lately. My one afternoon off, my only scheduled free time for the past several weeks is now canceled.   That one thing I was looking forward to – well, it’s not an option anymore.

Go ahead and just turn your head away while the tears fall down my face. Look elsewhere while I blubber on with tissues in hand.

I know I’m being silly and weak. I don’t have a world problem, a deadly disease or a worry over where my next meal will be. I have no real, valid reasons to complain.

I’m being ridiculous, carrying on like this and not being able to keep it together. But for some reason, I just can’t help myself at this moment.

I’m falling apart and I can’t hold it in. The more you talk to me, the more I cry. The more I’m looked at, the more idiotic I feel.

Don’t pity me. Please don’t pity me. It’s not that bad. I’ll be okay. I just need a moment.

I will shut my door and take just a few minutes to get over myself and my little problems.

My kids will be fine. I will be fine. Work is fine. I will be fine.

I have a good job, a stable one that pays.

Eventually I’ll have a decent night’s sleep.

Someday I’ll have adult conversation and friends to do things with regularly. I know that I’ll find a babysitter that won’t stand me up in due time.

One day in a few weeks or months or years, I’ll have a day to myself when I can read or bake in the sun or enjoy a coffee in peace and won’t have to take care of anything or anybody.

When that day comes, I’ll probably miss having someone to look after.

Yes, that’s it. It will happen. I’m fine. I will be fine.

Did I mention that I’m fine?

Excuse me while I wipe my face, check my makeup and attempt to look normal again.

The smudge is gone. I’m almost there.

I’m nearly…me….again.

I’m almost done falling apart – almost ready to build myself up again.

My friend just called me.  She knew I needed some cheering up.

There is dark chocolate in my drawer.  It’s my favorite.

Yes, I’m feeling a little better already.

I’ll be smiling and laughing again in an hour.

I’m almost there.  I’m almost a sensible me.

Almost, it’s better than barely.

Getting there, slowly but still on my way…

Until the next time I fall apart again.