Quit Taking It Personally

Recently I attended a “Communication Skills for Women” one-day conference. I’ll be honest; I went into the event not expecting much.   With a general seminar and no agenda, I was skeptical on what I had agreed to for eight hours.

Was it going to be all “fluff” and no substance? I wondered this as I walked into the room. The speaker greeted me immediately and thanked me for coming.

As I sat down in my seat, I noticed the presenter had placed a Q-tip in front of each chair. Later we learned the message and reason behind the object: “Quit taking it personal” she said slowly but firmly. This was a powerful point. That phrase stuck with me then and it stays with me now.

We as employees, especially women, must “Quit Taking It Personally” every time a problem, conflict or mistake arises in the workplace. We should try hard not to react with feelings or emotions. Do not become upset. Instead focus on a solution, the work and performing to the best capability.

That is just common sense, right? Everyone knows that. In my mind I know this.

The speaker said these words and had each of us hold up a Q-tip. We repeated the phrase again. She then discussed scenarios in the office when “Q-tip” goes wrong. The presenter role-played what not to do and how to better handle difficult situations.

Oh dear, I wiped my hand across my forehead. I am guilty. I need to Q-tip it more often. I have taken things personally in the office, many times in fact.

Last week a phone call came in that I nearly let ruin my morning. A manager pointed out my mistake on a submitted form. My first reaction was to be defensive and hurt. Why? Why did I react like that? It was my mistake after all. I need to correct it. That is my job.

I should have thanked the person who brought the matter to my attention, not immediately draw a conclusion that the person is trying to make me look or feel bad. I must take ownership of my faults. I am in charge of my feelings and should not let them overcome me.  I need a checklist in place to prevent the error from happening again.  This is what I plan to do going forward.

I reflected back to other moments in my life when I most certainly took little incidents personally. Both in my personal life and my professional life, I have let others cause me grief. I often create my own sinking ship, allowing others to steer me away from happiness and goals.   I have wasted time and energy complaining, being nonproductive.

I do not wish to do that anymore! I want to take responsibility for what is happening around me. I intend to be a problem-solver. I will contribute to the overall mission. I will Q-tip.

I will S-tipp it.  Start taking it productively and positively!

This is not an easy lesson to learn. “Q-tip”-ing takes continual practice and constant reminders. The speaker suggested we take a moment to compose ourselves when we feel irritation arising. Take deep breaths if needed. Excuse ourselves into the restroom to clear our heads or to let out frustration before we get back on track.   She also suggested keeping a small container of Q-tips on our desk (or in our homes) to be a friendly cue of reason.

We all bring our own personalities into the work place. We all have a different style or way of accomplishing a task. Does it matter how we accomplish it? The job is what we must do. We must make the best of the situation we are in. Why not step up and do what is needed? Complaining, gossiping and blaming will not help anyone.

I’m learning this.  I’m stopping to think more before I speak or react.  I want to be a fair, good role model. I will take ownership in the work place. I will be a leader for others.  We all should.  We should strive to help our company or organization be a positive force in the community.

Looking back now, I find it funny that I was worried about “fluff” at the conference. As it turns out, I had too much “fluff” in my own head. I’m pushing it aside now with a Q-tip to find the real substance… the real me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to add more Q-tips to my container that just spilled over…