Turning / Being 40

I’ve had several friends and co-workers ask me lately how I feel about turning 40. And the truth is that I feel good. Not jumping for joy ecstatic happiness, but I feel comfortable and cozy about it.

I’ve been thinking about it for the past year and getting used to the idea that I will not be in the 30’s decade anymore. And I am OK with that.

A year ago I started doing a few things to help me become more settled with the notion of being 40. Last summer I challenged myself to get in better shape and get back into a healthy and fitness routine. And after three months, I did. I had achieved my goal. Prior to that I had gotten off track and some pudginess had creeped up on me while I let life happenings take over – while I published my book, promoted it and started a new job. But I worked hard and whipped myself back into a more energetic, healthier place again. And I’ve maintained it for the most part…OK, so I gained a few pounds back, lost a few and I’m still trying to get off that remaining three.  But I’m really close. I know I can get back to where I want to be though.

Because that’s the unique thing about life (and me)…I can get off track and then get back to where I want to be again. I can push my own self to set a goal and reach that goal. I’m quite competitive with myself, not so much other people…that’s the beauty of getting older…you care less what others think and just worry about your own thoughts more.  I become preoccupied…let myself go, let the kids take over my life, let a project or a job stress me out and then take a deep breath and put it into perspective again.

Still I deserve to give myself some praise. I have done a few things on my bucket list. I have more to do of course but I’ve crossed some items off…I wrote and published a book, took a full-time job as a writer, a job which I happen to love – the work, the people, the mission we have, etc.  So much of the past two years has been easier and more joyful because my professional life became more balanced with my personal life. I feel more fulfilled. I do things with purpose instead of doing them with a half-heart and empty words.

I became a taxi mom in the last year. But do you know what? I don’t really mind it. I like keeping my kids busy. I like seeing them thrive in the areas of music, dance and art. They get pleasure and enrichment from it. But so do I. Plus occasionally I meet another really cool mom that I can laugh with and that’s priceless!

Right now I view 40 as a great stage and age to be in. I worked hard and saved in my 30s. Now I’m going to have fun. Our family is taking its first ever trip to Disneyworld later this year. We’re considering buying a boat…because we can and we want to. That’s cool. There were times in our 30s when we were in temporary debt after moving around, when the economy went real downhill and gas prices rose to $4.65 one summer. I had post-partum issues with Vivian and had a gallbladder that stopped doing its job but I didn’t know it so I kept randomly throwing up from time to time.

Hmmm, maybe I should say “Kiss/piss off to my 30s…” No, not really. There were many good times, many lessons learned and many reasons to love life for what it was, even during the low, disappointing and sad points.

I don’t really compare myself to others and I’m trying hard to instill that into my kids. Be better than yourself, who you were yesterday I tell them. Then I tell myself when I find myself eyeing a thinner, tanner older or younger person who looks like they have it all together.

No one has it all together anyway. That’s a myth.  Just yesterday I was telling one of my kids not to put her toothbrush on top of the other kid because they were fighting over who could brush their teeth first or fastest. You might be thinking…wow, your kids care about hygiene!  Umm, no, they just want to out-do each other in the goofiest, silliest ways imaginable and tears often erupt because of these incidents.

By the way, I never thought I’d say things like, “Don’t hit your sister,” and then “Go ahead, hit her back,” within the same day but sometimes you just have that kind of day as a parent…

But back to the good stuff about being 40 — I have a patient, understanding husband who for some reason loves me, finds me sexy and puts up with the fact that I don’t pick up after myself well or load the dishwasher in the way that he finds most effective and efficient. Yet he’s loving and complimentary every single day and helpful around the house too. He’s hardworking and caring. I’m a lucky, lucky lady and I know it. So being 40 and having a husband who still adores me and doesn’t want to run off with someone else or have mid-life crisis is indeed a good thing. But I know quite a few single friends who have very different stories, are not or never did get married and they are doing just fine at their ages and stages. In fact, they’re doing amazing and their path is perfect for them.

We women are so strong, aren’t we?! We can often cry at a Hallmark Christmas movie and then put our fighting words and dukes up when another kid bullies our kid.

Damn, all the single and married ladies – we’re incredible! I’m pretty incredible too. Well not Mrs. Incredible, Elasta-girl incredible but here’s a fact…
Fact: My kids think I’m a superhero so it’s OK if I think of myself as one every now and then too. Because I can’t expect my kids to have confidence and courage if I don’t have it myself.

I’m capable of a lot and I get sh*t done. I don’t say that to brag or sound full of myself but just to put it here to remind myself that I do a lot. Then later on, when I’m having an awful day. I will say this to remind myself of this fact.

In the past few years, I’ve seen an increase in my confidence and courage. Age, wisdom and comfort seem to be coinciding. I have strong willpower and determination when I want to. It’s a bit obsessive and downright scary at times too. But then I can be easy-going, flexible and toss notions over my shoulder on days when I need cheesecake or my bed to jump into.

Yes, I think I will like being 40. I think I’m entering the sweet spot of my life. I am slowing down to appreciate the ordinary, extraordinary moments more. I don’t want to run a marathon or climb Mount Everest but maybe I’ll join a local 5-K so I can socialize with some great people for a good cause.  And I won’t care what place I come in at as long as I finish and have fun (and maybe good food and a beer afterwards).

Every now and then my knee aches or I have some soreness these days, but overall I’m very healthy. I sleep an average of seven hours per night and have a lot of energy to keep up with my family, crazy dog, activities, and  the shenanigans that suddenly come my way.

So don’t cry for me Argentina because I’m turning (almost) 40. Cry with me because the Hallmark movies and This is Us TV series are so good and I’m watching them with you. I don’t even mind folding three loads of laundry while I binge watch either. In fact I will never complain about clean laundry again…because I remember the post-days of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans and how many people didn’t have clean clothes.  In the past, I’ve seen some bits of Hell so I’m thankful for my own personal Heaven — my daily perks like hot water, a husband who makes me coffee and a toilet I can use in peace.

So I wanted to write myself this note to burn this into my memory. Because I am getting older so I am a bit more forgetful. I hope to look back on my own words later in life. Facebook memory feed can remind me when I turn 50 (hopefully) that 40 wasn’t so terrifying. So age 50, 60 and later probably won’t be either… note to future self!

Thank you God and universe for letting me make it to age 40. Please let me make it to at least another 40 years.  And then we’ll evaluate it after that…sound, good!? Okay, great.

Cheers to me! Cheers to all of us at every age and stage!